“Professionals” Should Know Better

Can you get sued for libel/slander/defamation/anything by outing an organization’s ickiness on a blog?  Because I want to take the time to do just that (but really don’t want to get sued).  A website for a certain adoption advertising service, was brought to my attention recently by someone who was actually thinking of using them.  As a social service worker and as an adoptive parent myself, I’m left feeling a little ill.  Well, a lot ill. 

The following quotes from their site (in my humble opinion, of course!) illustrate blatant manipulation tactics towards adoptive parents and by extension to expecting parents, show their true aim at using said parties to simply make money (even though they state this work is their “mission”), include some pretty insulting comments about minority placement/children, and basically for those prospective adoptive parents who haven’t done their research, feeds into that “baby at any cost” and trivialization of expectant mother mentality that we who consider ourselves a little sane try so hard to avoid.  But don’t let me tell you any more, read for yourself.  And by the way, these are certainly not ALL the excerpts I find objectionable, but just some highlights.  Make note that I never saw ANYTHING even mentioned about fathers in all this, either, just “birthmothers.”  The italics are mine.

• “We strive to be most ethical.”  read on…
• “…advertising is expensive, stressful, and time consuming.  You also need to know that there are a lot of scammers out there–and I mean good ones–who will break your heart and take your money without blinking an eye.”  (Insert fear and stereotypes here.)
• (This company) has “been playing the adoption game successfully for over a dozen years–both for ourselves and our clients.”  It’s all a game.  Granted, sometimes for everyone involved triad-wise, it does all feel like a game, but come on, these guys are paid professionals.
• Regarding “Afro-American” adoptions:  “There are many minority infants that need permanent loving homes.” “…but as hard as it is to find AA birthmothers committed to adoption, adoptive families willing to take black children are more difficult to find.”  hmmmm…why go FINDING mothers at all??  Sounds like a weird circular process to me.
• Continuing on with AA adoptions:  “Remember that it is your birthmother’s mother or aunt who is most likely to step in and claim the baby at the hospital.  Often they will tell us that they are leaving the choice to your birthmother, in reality, they mean they are keeping their cards close and only playing them at the last minute.”  What cards are those?  Again, putting fear and suspicion into the hearts and minds of adoptive parents everywhere.
• Continuing with minority adoptions:  “From experience we have found that biracial situations have an unusually high placement percentage.  Biracial children are awful cute, too.” Because that’s all people need to know about transracial adoption, right, that their kids will be cute?
• From the FAQ page:  “What are the odds of getting our baby?  If you cooperate with us and don’t give up, the odds are 100%.  Everyone that has worked with us and not quit has gotten a baby.  The overall likelihood of any given situation going through is about 80%.  We have instituted a few new procedures and hope to get that percentage up over 85%.”  I shudder to think what they will be doing to boost their percentage…maybe it has to do with the quality attorneys they mention next:
• “We have one attorney we work with that gets surrenders on almost every birthmother he works with whether its in his backyard or across the country.” I wonder how he does that??
• Regarding open adoption, they start off making positive comments about its importance, but then go on to give a “don’t sweat it, the birthparents will go away eventually” message:  “Some adoptive parents have heard stories of birthmothers showing up unexpectedly on the doorstep of the couple that adopted their baby or asking for money months after placement.  The reality is this rarely if ever happens.  In general, birthmothers go on with their lives and it gets increasingly harder to keep contact with them.  Of the seven completely open adoptions we have offered to the children we have adopted, we have regular contact (3 or 4 phone calls a year) with only one.  Even though we have an 800 number, and they can call whenever they want, we no longer know where the others are.”  Yes, they just “move on,” forget about their children, and you never have to worry about them again.  So really, open adoption isn’t a risk at all…

Let me know what you think…I’m off to go write an email to help educate the “professionals”.  And to take a shower, because I feel a little slimy after reading all this…