Monthly Archives: January 2010

To Be the Perfect Mother

Oh, how I long to be a perfect parent.  Well, not even a perfect one, but a BETTER one.  Sure, I make dinner and clean house, and love on my baby and come when he’s hurt…all the good, nurturing mommy things.  But lately, my patience is just too thin, and my young son’s defiance independence is coming out, and all too often I hear myself doing that thing that my mother did to me–the yelling, cajoling, fussing and lecturing.  Ugh.  I hate that version of me.  And I’m sure Woob does too.  So I’m airing it here for all of you to see–maybe a form of self-flagellation?–because I’m sure I’m not the only one (AM I??).  And I’m hoping we moms can help each other with some words of wisdom.  What helps you keep your cool?  What helps you keep the limits that you set, for yourselves and your kids?  What is it that stops you from losing it when the power struggles start?  See, the thing is I know the “answers” about not engaging in power struggles, using humor, inclusion, taking a nurturing stance, a learning stance…all those nice textbooky kinds of things, but heavens, I still struggle with it.

I have a great, sweet, loving little boy.  He is my heart. I need to pull it together so he knows it.



Filed under adoption

Tonight I’m Gonna Party Like its 1999

Well, not so much.  Watching the “10yearsago” twitter responses took e down memory lane.  On the eve of 2000, I was 30 years old, and finishing up my Masters degree (july 2000).  Hubby and I had been married six years, we’d been in our house 5, and hadn’t yet tackled many of the renovations that needed to be done.  For the record on the house, some have been made, and REMADE since then, others are just now getting done, some of the things that the house has needed are still waiting to be done.  Bleh.

Anyway, 10 years ago tonight, we had a Happy Mellinium party in our basement.  Since we were going to be ripping out our basement carpet and walls soon, we were a little lenient about what happened inside.  We brought in a friends DJ equipment, brought in decorations, lots of champagne, food and people.  In the words of Barney…it was legend–wait for it–ary!.  Lots of dancing in party hats.  And as the guests were dancing during the countdown, me and hubby armed ourselves with a video camera and cut the power at midnight.  There was a lot of “holy shit, it really happened!”  and “I knew this was going to happen!” talking about the wholeY2K scare.  We didn’t let them worry it out too long.  We’ve never done anything that big here since.  Our new year celebrations are usually pretty tame, and with the advent of parenthood, of course, things will never be the same again.

This year, as I sit here on the eve of 2010, I have two cats laying on my legs keeping me warm, in a basement that looks like it is in a different house than what we had before.  There will be no champagne or “poppers” spilling onto the carpet.  The floor is, however, littered with the toys of a three year old boy–about 50 hotwheels cars, some rc cars, chutes and ladders and the box to the new Wii.  Today, Hubby is helping a niece and her husband and baby move (to Indy!).  That niece was not yet 13 ten years ago.  Where for years, Uncle2Roo would be sleeping on our couch between Christmas and New Years, its hard to believe this is the second holiday without him on this earth.

Things change so much, people come into our lives and leave them.  Hoping all the changes in the coming year are for the best for you and for your families.  Happy 2010!


Filed under adoption