Monthly Archives: October 2008

A Day Off

I took a well-deserved day off from work today and I think I need another!  Here’s what I did on this beautiful fall day.

  • woke up at 6
  • got my boy up and dressed and to daycare by 7:30
  • went to W*al M*art
  • went thru the car wash
  • did 3 loads of laundry
  • shampooed my carpets upstairs
  • cleaned out my living room windowsills (eeew!  you know the gunk that gets trapped between the outside of your window and the screen?)
  • mopped my kitchen/dining room/entry way floors
  • baked pumpkin bread
  • fought with my new Blackberry (anniversary gift) that is driving me crazy!

Sadly enough, even with all of that my house is not truly clean. Oh well.  If anyone else wants it clean, they can clean it I guess. 

Tonight we have a cookout at a friends house.

In the meantime, if anyone has any idea how to navigate through this Blackberry (Curve) and get to the Device Options menu, I’d really appreciate it!

Happy Autumn!

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Ten Years Ago…

Marci “memed” me last week, and I never got past the first question, “What were you doing ten years ago?”

Wow, was I in a different place, on so many levels.  In the fall of 1998, I had just started my Master’s program.  I had been married for five years, had been working for six years in my chosen profession, five years at that place of employment.

You see, we had been “trying” on the baby front for, say, three years by that time.  And just beginning to realize that something was really wrong.  I remember very clearly several months earlier saying to my friend/supervisor, that if the baby thing didn’t happen by “x” then I’d be applying to grad school for the 1998 cohort.  Of course, as we all know NOW, the baby thing didn’t happen by the ascribed date, and I had backed myself into the grad school corner that I never thought I’d ever do.

And you know what?  It was good.  It was hard.  But my focus was on school for the most part, and I made connections, and got (a little bit) smarter, and I grew so much professionally.  Graduation came and went in 2000, and it allowed me to move almost immediately into a new, way more fun for awhile job, which led me to where I am working today.  THIS job, has offered me the benefits of flexible time and good pay that I needed to explore areas of my infertility, but most importantly, our adoption. 

Maybe it would have eventually happened anyway, in another way at another time, but I really believe that 10 years ago, there was a decisive moment that brought me to this place where I am a mother.

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Filed under adoption, motherhood, not much, reflection

Adventures in Beddy Bye

Okay, so this isn’t adoption related at all, except that some of my adoptive parent freinds with similar aged kiddos might find it helpful to see what worked for us in getting the Woob transitioned from crib to big boy bed in a relatively short time, with relatively few problems.

Woob is a little over 2 1/2 years old, and getting so big.  It seemed that most nights he was banging around in his crib and couldn’t have been really comfortable, but didn’t much complain except for occasional whining in his sleep some nights.  He has NEVER tried to climb out of his crib.  That’s when most people I know decided to switch, but at this rate, he’d be in his crib til he was 42, and I just can’t see that that’s a good thing.

Daycare was a helper for some of this and kind of prompted us along.  First, all the kids take a nap on a little cot with their pillow and blankie.  He has done well during nap times since starting at this daycare, and stays put.  That was promising.  Additionally, the teachers like for us to send in pictures of things the kids are familiar with, and places they like–pics of mommy and daddy’s work, the house they live in, their pets, their parents’ cars, their bedrooms.  There had been lots of discussion about bedrooms because some of the kids were already in big kid beds, so Woob was familiar with it.  We’d mention that the change was coming a few times a week for awhile, knowing that we’d be bringing home Uncle 2 Roo’s extra mattress set at some point, because he had wanted him to have it.  Note that this is a regular twin bed, not a toddler bed, so it sits rather high off the ground.  P2R’s old bedframe was in the attic and we’d be using it as it matches the rest of Woob’s furniture.

Then we moved a lot of the toys and junk that had been in the living room for Far. Too. Long. into his bedroom, toybox and all, so he might get the idea that his room was a more fun place to be.  He didn’t get the hint, just stopped playing with any toys that got moved in there because out of sight, out of mind, and all that.

Next step, the bedding.  Oh man, the bedding.  I picked up a set at T*rget that had brightly colored cars and trucks on it–sheets, comforter, shams, curtain, wall clings–and he wanted it immediately.  for about a week he carried around this big ol’ comforter and we continually told him it was for when we brought home his big boy bed…

Finally the mattresses came home when P2R got home from Texas, and they sat in our kitchen for an embarrassing 2 weeks until we got our act together.  He knew and could tell us that those mattresses were his.  So when P2R brought down the head/footboards to get cleaned up, he was really getting excited. He watched us put the bed together and move the crib off to the side.  Oh, the buildup.  He just couldn’t wait to get all squirmy up on the bed.  But we still didn’t know how it would go, because he’d never slept in our bed with us–only wallered around in the blankets and messed it up.

The buildup was so big, and the first night we put him in, there were no problems at all.  He slept just fine for the most part.  We still had the backup plan of the crib in the room and were prepared to use it.  We kept it for a week, and when there weren’t significant problems, dismantled it and sent it away with our niece for their first little one.  Woob was in on that, as well, right in the midst of taking it down and loading it on the truck and saying “bye-bye baby bed.”  Sometimes he still asks “where’s my baby bed?” and we revisit that it went to live with B and J and the new baby will sleep in it when he comes.

Other Points: 

  • he has not tried to get up and out of his bed or room in the middle of the night (yet!) or in the morning.  Its like he doesn’t know its an option 🙂
  • we have the room “childproofed” so that if he were to get up and mess around in there with his toys or what have you, he’ll be safe.
  • he has begun playing in his room independently more often lately.
  • he is a wild sleeper and ends up all over the bed, which is not always good…
  • the rail covers the middle section of the bed, not the top 1 1/2 feet or bottom 1 1/2 feet…
  • even though there’s a rail, he has fallen out of the bed twice from the head of the bed, so we keep a big soft pillow on the floor right there :O
  • he never slept with tucked in sheets and blankies in the crib, just his quilt–now he wants nothing to do with the blankets on his bed.  He prefers to sleep on top with a different blanket.  If he does use the comforter, he works the sheet totally off and away from him, and sometimes gets fussy and tangled up in it.
  • we keep one of the doorknob safety covers on the inside of his door so that if he gets up and tries to wander, he can’t get out, but we can get in without having to mess with a lock.
  • now that there’s room, he constantly asks us to “Sweep wif me!” and it is all I can do to avoid that trap that I’ll never get out of…so hard to resist curling up and snuggling with such a sweet little guy when other cuddles are so few and far between.

A story: 

My boy wakes up like a little alarm clock every morning at 6:30 a.m. even on weekends, sometimes earlier.  This morning at 5:10 a.m. I hear his little voice calling “I want to get up, pwease. Up, pwease, Mommy.”  So, I’m thinking he wants to get up for the day, which I am just not up to…  I go into his room and whisper, “Oh, baby, its not time to get up yet, its too early and still dark outside.”  And as I walk in to tuck him back in, I almost run him over.  Poor little dude didn’t want to get up for the day, just wanted to get UP IN HIS BED so he could finish sleeping, after falling out of the darn bed.  So sweet, but a little heartbreaking, as I pictured him having slept on the floor the past few hours without a blanket.  Who knows how long he’d been down there.  I asked him this morning whether he slept last night on the floor or in his bed and he did reply, “I sweep in my big boy bed! (which he’s so proud of!)” So…he either forgot and was not traumatized by the sleeping on the floor, OR, I managed to get him immediately after falling out of bed.  Either way works for me.  But tonight, as a precaution, I’m going to put an extra blanket on the floor next to the pillow just in case!

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Filed under adoption, motherhood, not much

Hi, Remember Me?

It’s been awhile, I know, but I’ve been right here all along, living and working and mommying and stressing.  I’ve had little to say and less time to say it.  The past month and a half have been incredibly busy, crazy, stressful, with a little bit of good stuff sprinkled in here and there, and for those moments I am so grateful.

After DH’s brother died and all was said and done with the funeral, there was still so much to do (I still haven’t sent the thank you notes I have sitting on the table!).  The brothers had to travel back to Texas to clear out his apartment and make sense of other affairs, the estate, making connections with each other and the friends he left behind.  Can you believe they traveled from Indiana to Dallas to Indiana between Friday and Sunday, sold a car, cleared an apartment, and driving through a hurricane (Ike), and went back to work on Monday?  Crazy times.  So little time for grieving, ya know? 

Anyway, between traveling, going to funerals, and all kinds of other things that needed to be done without a kiddo around, Woob got off track.  It was so hard for him to make sense of things, where we were going, who would be picking him up next from daycre, etc.  No matter how hard you try, and how familiar he is with the people he was with (grandparents, aunts and uncles), it seems it rocked him to the core.  There were mornings I’d get him up out of bed, and even if I was the one who put him to bed the night before, he would exclaim with surprise, “You came back!”  He did that several times over a period of weeks, both with me and his dad.  I’m sure that would strike any parent’s heart, but I am all too aware that in the midst of all this he’s starting to put things together about adoption and such, and I worry so much about how he perceives it when we go away.  I can easily say, “Mommy will always come back, because I love you so much, I could never stay away.”  But is that enough of a reassurance when he sarts to understand that he was once “left” by his firstmom, even though she loves him very much?  How to make the distrinction real for him other than to consistently, truly come back. 

So, in the middle of all the other stuff, we’ve also had conferences out of town, where one or the other of us would be gone overnight, so again, even though there’s consistency with one person, he’s made it very clear that he wants us BOTH here ALL THE TIME.  His moods were erratic; he was sensitive about everything, and he’s still fighting going to daycare each morning, which made it all the harder.  After a few weeks, we were hesitant to go anywhere without him, because he needed the stability of us around. 

Other than the daycare thing, the past 2 weeks have been a little smoother around the house, and not so smooth for either of us at work.  And looking back a little, DH and I realized that we have not gone out together alone with each other, since EARLY JULY.  Erm…its the beginning of OCTOBER.  Not good at all.  After about a 2 second discussion, we decided that it would be in our best interest, and Woob’s best interest, to find a babysitter and just GO.  No matter that we have no money at all (did I mention the HUGE OVERDRAFT notice with the many, many fees that came in the mail last week?!? Debit cards are the devil.)  There’s relief in just thinking about going and doing something with just us. 

My coworker is about to have her baby, and I realized that if things had turned out differently, I would have only about 7 weeks left in my pregnancy.  Most often, it doesn’t really bother me, but lately I’ve been really sad about that.  I suppose the loss upon loss is nudging that on a little.  I’m back to sometimes feeling weepy walking through the baby section in w*lm*rt sometimes–feeling like a jerk about it.  It probably can’t help that my “baby” is growing and now is in a big boy bed and I gave all his crib and bedding things to a niece a few weeks ago.  Our baby is gone as we knew him.  Replaced by a cute,smart little energetic, independent minded, handsome little dude who we love and laugh at all the time.  Thus, me feeling like a jerk, cause really, what right do I have to want or need more than that?  I really am a greedy b*tch sometimes, ya know?  So all those of you who are reading this that are contemplating adoption, heed the word of those doing your home study training:  ADOPTION DOES NOT CURE INFERTILITY NOR YOUR DESIRE FOR MORE CHILDREN.  I am forever blessed to have the perfect child I have, but will pobably hold on to some sadness forever that there weren’t more.

Okay, depressed enough reading about my life??  Let’s lighten up a little, then.  A few weeks ago when I went to my conference in Indy, I got to meet two of my forum/bloggy/adoptive mom buddies (Mich and Stork)whom I’ve *known* for 3-4 years??  They both have great kids in the same age range as Woob, just a little older.  It was so good to see their smiling faces for real instead of on the screen and play with their babies.  They already know each other IRL, so their kids enjoyed playing together.  I wish mine would have been there, too.  BUT, I got to hold Michele’s little-tiny-but-growing-so-fast baby A, who gave me the gift of smiles and coos while I talked baby talk and looked into his sweet little eyes <insert heart melting here>.  And as Stork wrote about here so well, it was great to talk to other aparents in person who “get it” about caring for kids’ firstparents, finding ways to meet the challenges that open adoption can bring, finding ways to take care of ourselves and just “be.”  Having somebody who didn’t just freak the heck out with the mere mention of N’s name, because of who she is.  It was nice and easy and the pizza was good.  <waves to Mich and Stork>

And the transition to big boy bed has gone incredibly well!  I’m in the process of reorganizing the layout of the room and doing cute things to the walls, so that’s fun, but again, a process.

And I got a new red purse.

And tonight i’m going out with my best guy to do something fun.  🙂

And I’m RAMBLING.  You can stop reading now.  Really.  I’m done.  😀

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Filed under adoption, birthparents, grief, motherhood, open adoption