Monthly Archives: May 2007

Reflections on a First Visit

I very well could have posted about this weekend’s events much sooner, but there has been so much to absorb that I’ve found it rather difficult to put into words. 

I could go into great detail, but I think I said before, I’m feeling so much of the newness of this that I feel the need to hold it pretty close for now.  Additionally, I feel that sharing many of the things that happened and were revealed this weekend, would be disrespectful towards N. and perhaps some other folks involved.  But on the other hand, just hitting some of the high points seems to do the whole visit a severe disservice. 

Bloggers don’t gain popularity by holding back on the juicy details.  So what’s a blogger to do??  I guess I’ll have to remain unpopular.  I’ll do the best I can.

First, despite my careful planning the whole week before, trying to get of town turned out to be a disaster.  First, on my husbands whim, we took the truck instead of the car, which entailed switching everything I had already packed. Making us leave late.  Apparently the truck needed to be washed.  And it didn’t have gas.  And my husband didn’t get breakfast.  Making us leave town late.  By an hour.  If you know me, you know I’m a high anxiety kind of girl.  You’ll be happy to know I didn’t kill him.  The good news at this point which also turns out to be the really bad news is that we verified a suspicion that we had about the Woob.  Riding in the front facing car seat in the truck for more than 10 minutes makes him carsick.  Really carsick.  Picture me losing it right there in a church parking lot while I stripped the clothes off my poor little puke covered stinky baby before calling N. and leaving a message that we were turning back for home.  Making us leave town late by 2 hours.

FINALLY we got on the road and after driving an hour, heard back from N. who, as luck would have it,  slept two hours late and was stressing to get ready in time for her party.  It was only then that I stopped spazzing and relaxed.  The rest of the trip was uneventful.

We got there to her mom’s house and all I can say is that we were made to feel so welcome–it was just comfortable.  N. and her friend were sitting on her car waiting for us as we pulled up.  She came to help get Woob out of the car, and as she held him for the first time, and looked at him, he just stared at her for a minute sizing her up.  Never all day did he shy away from anyone or get clingy with us, even when we moved away from him.  He was fast friends with her boyfriend and they played all day.  It was all just…nice.  A side note:  it turns out her mom is from right here where we live, originally.  We even went to the same summer camp growing up.  We sang camp songs together and N. thought we were nuts. 

We ended the day taking N. and her boyfriend out to dinner.  We had a chance to talk about lots of things and had many questions answered.  Some of the big ones.  We talked about what we want to do next with this new relationship we’re building, though there’s still much discussion to be had.  We laughed.  N. shared bites of her banana shake with him.  We talked about all the ways Woob looks like her and wondered out loud together what he’d be like as he grew up.  We planned for them to come to visit us here in the next several weeks.

This feels really good.

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13 Comments

Filed under adoption, birthparents, open adoption, parenthood, things that make me smile

Sticking Out Like a Sore Thumb

Okay, gang.  I know there are folks who at least check in here from time to time.  Some of you comment (Hi, friends!), and some of you don’t, which is cool, too.  I need all of your help on this one.  Because I’m disgusted and don’t know what to do.

Woobie sucks his thumb, specifically, his right one.  He’s a year old, and I have not real issue with thumb sucking.  The doctor doesn’t either.  Suck away, as far as I’m concerned.  The problem lies in the fact that this poor little right hand thumb is gross.  It is red and irritated, shriveled, and the skin is cracked.  Think “dishpan thumb” times 10.  It looks like it hurts.  It almost looks like a severe burn.  I’m afraid one day Woob will pull it out of his mouth and all that will be left is bone.

I’m sure there are lots of great salves and creams and remedies out there that will heal the skin nicely.  But there’s that little issue of whatever goes on the thumb will go straight into the mouth.

Someone, somewhere has dealt with this problem before.  Help!

8 Comments

Filed under adoption, parenthood, remedies, thumb-sucking

Counting Down

So, most of the nervousness has passed, and now its changed to excitement.  Several communication snafus have been realized and corrected, on both sides.  The oil in the car has been changed, gifts have been bought, packing lists have been made (yeah, I know its only a day trip, but still…), and the Woob has a haircut appointment.  We are as ready as we are going to be.

Its almost unbelievable to think that the day after tomorrow we will be at the Woob’s mom’s house helping her celebrate a milestone.  We’ll be visiting not only with her, but with her family.  More than likely sitting in a circle of lawn chairs eating chicken from the grill.  Sharing cake. 

Watching our son play in the yard and get dirty. 

Together.

7 Comments

Filed under adoption, birthparents, things that make me smile

“I Am” I Said

Okay, anyone younger than me get that song reference?  If you do, then you can flashback with me back to the 70’s where we listened to that and a whole lot more just like it playing on the big console record player while me and my sibs helped my mom clean house every Saturday…but I digress.

Jenn at Going Back to Square One tagged me for the “I Am…” meme.  So here we go.

 I AM:

  • very smart, but not very logical
  • a lover of Saturday Night Live from the beginning
  • getting (feeling) older every day
  • unorganized in my office and home
  • often shy in new social situations, which often comes off as being “less than warm”
  • a lover of words and puns
  • a reader with no time to read
  • a kick-a** mom, if I do say so myself!
  • a cat lover
  • a sleepy girl
  • an idiot when it comes to numbers; however…
  • in charge of the household finances (ack!)
  • a pitiful housekeeper
  • an extremely anxious person on the inside
  • afraid of disappointing people
  • an avoider of conflict
  • hopped up on caffiene just about every day (Coca Cola–The Real Thing)
  • an avid movie and television junkie
  • out of time…gotta get back to work now!

I tag MommaMarci and Storkwatcher…You’re it!

3 Comments

Filed under memes, personal quirks, reflection

Don’t Rain on My Parade

Dear L.L.–

In the 12 years I’ve known you you’ve been my mentor, my friend, my peer, and much more.  Your life experience has served you well, and you have used it to help others, including me on man occasions.  I have often come to you because I value your opinions.  I thought you valued mine.  When we started our adoption journey, you served as a reference for me because I thought you understood my heart. But today, I have to tell you, my feelings are hurt; I’m pissed.

Once before, I shared some of my thoughts about Woob’s first mother.  I shared about how I think about her and how I want to keep a connection.  You didn’t understand.  You indicated that there is no connection there.  That hurt at the time, but I thought I made myself clear.  And today, once again, I opened up about what’s going on in our little family.  I protect that part of my life with the knowledge that not everyone can or will understand.  There are certain people I believe I can count on when it comes to that, and others I don’t trust with it.  Its too new and precious, and its almost like if I talk about it too much, it will all disappear, so I hold it close.  Today, I chose to trust you with my excitement and anxiety of meeting N. this coming weekend.  Now I see that my judgment was poor in that regard.  When tell you about those things, it is not with the intent of asking for advice–you haven’t been there.  You haven’t spent every waking hour thinking about, researching, reading, dreaming and living adoption.  I KNOW she signed away her rights.  I don’t anticipate she’ll be trying to reclaim them.  She’s not a bad person.  Its not just about her, or about me, but about Woob.  Its good for all of us.  When you question that, you also question my ability to make good judgments.  When I come to you with these things in my life, what I’m asking for is for you to share the excitement, to support me, to say “good for you,” or “tell me all about it,” or “I’m sure it will work out great!” Even, “How can I help?” Instead, I feel like now, if things don’t go well, you’ll be there waiting to say “I told you so…”  That’s not what I need from my friends. And it makes me less likely to talk about it with anyone else as well.

So, know that as our family has new beginnings, additions, ebbs and flows, I won’t be bothering you with the details.  And that’s really crappy because its times like this I need my friends more than ever.

E.

12 Comments

Filed under adoption, vent

BIG News

I’ll have little time to post this week, but wanted everyone to know that there is a visit in the works with Woob’s mom in two weeks!  The coolest thing about it is that it was initiated by N., as she had not yet received my letter proposing we meet.  I’m excited, I’m nervous, and I barely slept last night.  Prayers, people, prayers!  🙂  I’ll fill you in more later.  Happy, happy day!

11 Comments

Filed under adoption, birthparents, motherhood, things that make me smile

The Blind Man and the Elephant

The more I read in Adopto-Blogville, the more this story I heard in grade school rattles around in my brain.

The Blind Man and the Elephant

It was six men of Indostan
To learning much inclined,
Who went to see the Elephant~(Though all of them were blind),
That each by observation~Might satisfy his mind.
The First approached the Elephant,
And happening to fall
Against his broad and sturdy side, ~ At once began to bawl:
“God bless me! but the Elephant ~ Is very like a wall!”

The Second, feeling of the tusk,
Cried, “Ho! what have we here?
So very round and smooth and sharp? ~ To me ’tis mighty clear
This wonder of an Elephant ~ Is very like a spear!”

The Third approached the animal,
And happening to take
The squirming trunk within his hands, ~ Thus boldly up and spake:
“I see,” quoth he, “the Elephant ~ Is very like a snake!”

The Fourth reached out an eager hand,
And felt about the knee.
“What most this wondrous beast is like ~ Is mighty plain,” quoth her;
“‘Tis clear enough the Elephant ~ Is very like a tree!”

The Fifth who chanced to touch the ear,
Said: “E’en the blindest man
Can tell what this resembles most; ~ Deny the fact who can,
This marvel of an Elephant ~ Is very like a fan!”

The Sixth no sooner had begun
About the beast to grope,
Than, seizing on the swinging tail ~ That fell within his scope,
“I see,” quoth he, “the Elephant ~ Is very like a rope!

And so these men of Indostan
Disputed loud and long,
Each in his own opinion ~ Exceeding stiff and strong,
Though each was partly in the right ~ And all were in the wrong!

-John Godfrey Saxe

I try so hard to remember that MY perspective and experience and background is just my own, no one else’s. And each adopted person’s experience, first mother’s background, each are all their own. The way we see the truth, the way we approach each situation, the way we express our thoughts–none of these can be the same, so its no wonder there is so much disagreement, especially given such a big “elephant”. I just wish the dialog between all of us “blind men” could stay open and respectful.

6 Comments

Filed under adoption, reflection, semantics