So, we’re at after-church lunch yesterday with my mom, dad, grandma, sister and her kids (and of course the Woob). We’re sitting at the Bob Evans at a long line of tables where its impossible for people at one end to hear what’s going on with the folks down at the other end. I’m trying to make some in-roads with family a little at a time regarding openness in adoption–more about that at another time–and I take my moments when I can get them. I’ve spoken to my grandma a few times about Woob’s mom and family and how I really want him to know her. Nothing too deep, but just throwing it out there. In those conversations, she seems to “get it.” So I took that moment at the restaurant to pull out a few of the pictures N. sent of herself and share with her. Woob really does look so much like her (they are both beautiful). So we were looking and commenting, and my 9 year old nephew starts to look, too.
B: “Who’s that?”
Me: “The Woobie’s mama.”
B: “So if she’s is real mom, does that make you his step-mom?”
Me: “No, we’re both his real moms.”
B: (silent for a moment, processing that thought) “I’m confused.”
So from that short conversation, one I hadn’t really planned for, and didn’t know how to proceed with (I basically froze), I’m pretty frustrated and disgusted with myself. If I can’t find the words to explain it to an uninvolved 9 year old, how in the WORLD am I gonna explain it to my baby boy from now on? How am I going to make those in-roads with my family to help them understand? Because that’s the exact thing they all believe about openness in adoption: that it’ll cause confusion. I am determined not to prove them right.
As always, I will be looking to you guys out there who have gone before me for help in this process.