Monthly Archives: July 2007

Primetime

I read a few of the blogs and reactions about Primtime’s recent special on adoption, and realize not everyone thought it was the best representation of how adoption is or should be.  That’s fine.  I read the transcripts on the network’s website, so I have an idea what was covered.  But…

I was so happy this morning because of that special.  Just recently, my mother learned that we have opened our relationship with N.  We’ve been taking it slow with what and when we talk to family members about that, because there’s still a lot of mistrust of the open adoption process and it makes people pretty nervous.  Anyway…we were all having breakfast after church this morning, my aunt included.  As we were in line to pay, my aunt asks how things are going with N. and shared that Mom had told her what was going on there.  I gave some minor details, trying to keep it simple.  She replied with, “did you see that primetime special about adoption?  They were talking about doing things the way you guys are going about it and how its supposed to be so much better that way.  That’s so cool that you guys are doing that…” and on and on.  And she really meant it. 

So while we who live in the adoption world may disagree on what’s right or wrong with the process, to the general population, letting people know that openness is good…well, I think that’s worth something.

3 Comments

Filed under adoption, birthparents, open adoption

Please, Folks, Keep Your Kids Safe

Hey friends–

There’s a mom I read a lot by the name of Lainey-Paney.  She’s a young mommy to Gage, she’s a social worker (like me), she’s a wife, sister, daughter, aunt, and all around fun girl who’s not afraid to toss the F-word around here or there.  We have a lot in common.  I like her tons, and you probably would too. 

She wrote a post the other day that stopped me cold in my tracks and quite seriously, after reading I felt sick and chilled to the bone. She graciously gave me permission to link to the story in hopes that others could benefit from reading it.  The post is all about her little nephew’s accidental and tragic death.  I seriously think this story as told could save many, many young lives.  I know all my readers here have young kiddos, and we would all do anything to keep them safe, and it could be as simple as keeping car doors locked.  Keeping household windows locked.

Anyway,  yes, you will need Kleenexes, and its a painful read, but read it.  She also noted another website www.kidsincars.org that gives other great car safety info.

And thanks, Lainey, for telling the story of sweet Riley.  Hugs and hugs to you and yours! 

2 Comments

Filed under adoption, grief, toddler safety

Reading, Wondering

Okay, I finally ordered and received my copy of The Girls Who Went Away by Ann Fessler (BRAND NEW hardback listed as “used” on B & N, purchased for less than $5–CHA CHING!). For those of you who haven’t heard of the book, its outlining the history and experiences of those young birthmothers between WWII and Roe v. Wade who “placed their children” through adoption.  I use the ” ” because many were forced to do so in a variety of ways.  Many who were interviewed for the book have never even spoken about it until now, yet it is clear, the grief from that moment in time continues. Anyway, I got all the way to I think the second chapter before I’m weeping in the booth of the restaurant where I’m eating my lunch.  So beware…if you pick it up to read it, know there will be some emotions.

But it also got me thinking…there is nothing different between these women and women in my own family.  I wonder if there are people I know, aunts, cousins, grandparents, who may have had a pregnancy, hidden and ending in adoption, who have lived years just trying to move on, forget and pretend it never happened.   

9 Comments

Filed under adoption, birthparents

Gray Hair, Gold Star, its All the Same

I have gone all my life, nearly 38 years, without finding a gray hair.  Until Saturday.  We were driving in the car, and I was gazing at myself in the vanity mirror (they don’t call it that for nothing, folks 😉 ) when something shiny caught my eye.  There it was, right up front.  Against my husband’s fervent pleas to “DON”T PLUCK IT,” I did just that.  I wanted to look more closely, feel its weird, wiry texture and contemplate its meaning in my life.  I mean, how could I not have seen it before then?  It was about three inches long, so it didn’t just appear one day…and why now?

In retrospect, the first 36 years of my life were pretty cush.  You wouldn’t have been able to convince me of it then, but I never had to navigate the mean streets of the big city, worry where my next meal was going to come from, or anything close to that kind of worry.  For the entirety of our marriage, we’ve both been reasonably well employed, living like the D.I.N.K.s (dual income no kids) we were.  We’d come home from our office jobs, I’d take a nap, hubby would play video games, we’d get up for dinner, watch tv and go to bed. We did that for YEARS, I’m ashamed to say.  Certainly nothing to grow any gray hairs over.

Fast forward to now.  Life looks a little bit different.  For the past year and a half or so, I’ve been getting up REALLY early so we can all get ready on time and get where we need to be.  Work carries a little different meaning now, because, by golly, there is a real life little person depending on me to bring home a paycheck each week.  Toddlers can not live on Ramen noodles alone, you know?  I slide out of work to pick up the little Woobinator in time to get home and start supper, which is served right at 6 because structure is everything, right?  Follow it up with lots of play, a bath and the never-ending struggle to train the child to sleep with some consistency, before getting to bed only to fall asleep during the 10 o’clock news.  Only to wake up around midnight to hear my teething boy cry out, and realize I didn’t buy Tylenol or milk while I was at the store for the 10th time this week.  Add in navigating a new relationship with Woob’s mother, obsessing about the flight to Boston we’ll be taking in a week and a half and the ensuing trip in which it’ll be just me and a toddler in the big city for four days while hubby’s at a conference, and a pending *ahem, choke” 20 year class reunion for which I will need to lose 10 pounds, gain a tan, buy a hot outfit, and learn to pretend to be FABulous again…

Okay, breeaaathe…

Yes, my life has changed, and really, really for the better.  But that gray hair?  I got it the old-fashioned way… I EARNED it! J

7 Comments

Filed under adoption, growing up, mamahood, not much

Date Night

Woo Hoo!  For the first time since early February, me and my Man are going out on a date (Woobless).  I’m going to get a cute haircut this afternoon, I shaved my legs this morning (why is that such a hard thing to accomplish these days?), and the babysitter is all arranged.  Just think, if I lost 10 pounds and had a clean house, I’d be a whole new woman!  😉

3 Comments

Filed under adoption

Eat ’em up!

Simply put, I love my boy. I know now what it means to love someone so much you could just “eat ‘em up.” I could, quite literally, eat the Woob up in one bite, chubby cheeks and all. I bet you’re the same way with your own kids, right? Let me tell you a little more about the Woob, so you, too, can bask in the light of his sweetness.

  • He LOVES “maNAnas” and asks for them by name.
  • He is excited each evening after bathtime to see what will be on his belly that night. His jammy tops have “cahs,” dinosaurs, “tucks,” dogs, and lions on them and he thinks its great to see and point to whatever is on his belly.
  • The Woob gets excited and smiles THIS BIG when he hears the beginning of the Backyardigans theme song.
  • The boy has a big cheesy smile that could melt steel.
  • Every day when I drop him off at daycare we have a ritual where, one by one, he brings me Miss Julie’s books from the display case, and then we go back together to put them back on the shelves.
  • His little hiney is highly pattable and cute.
  • He is his Daddy’s little buddy.
  • Each night he pulls out every one of his baby blankets onto the living room floor and makes “nests.” You would think it was a royal throne.
  • He laughs a deep belly laugh when he hears you burp, (or make any other rude noise.)
  • He laughs and thinks you’re being silly when you sneeze.
  • The Woobie is strong and healthy.
  • The hair on the back of his head has a cute fuzziness to it that the rest of his hair doesn’t have. We just learned recently that his first-mama’s hair is exactly the same way.
  • He goes ape for NASCAR on tv.
  • Smiles and laughter come easily to the little man.

It had occurred to me awhile back, that if I love the Woob that much, and worry about him, and plan for him, and sacrifice for him, and provide for him, and if I hurt that much when he hurts…how much more is that true of how our Father feels for us, His children. It is so unfathomable to me that it could be so much more, but it must be true. And even cooler than all that, is that one day recently, my dearest hubby—never one to contemplate God or His workings out loud—basically laid that thought out there to me as well. He’d also seen the same significance. Could’ve knocked me over with a feather. So in addition to all the other awesome stuff listed above, we can add:

  • Even though he’s not quite 16 months old, has the power to get grown people to contemplate God and Universe and their place in it all.

I could just eat that boy up!

6 Comments

Filed under adoption, faith, mamahood, reflection, things that make me smile