Monthly Archives: October 2009

The Legitimacy of Blogging

A friend and I were discussing blogging earlier today.  Some aspects of our open adoptions are similar, so we can relate pretty openly about what our experience is like.  Both of us try to give as clear a picture as possible of what open adoption is in our world, what it means to us, why its important to us, and we believe, our children.  Both of us agree that its not always easy.  Despite our firm belief that overall openness is a good thing–the right thing–, there are events that happen within the relationship that are clearly not so positive.  Those not so positive things often don’t make it to press due to their sensitive nature–whether its just too private to discuss a particular detail about the event (does it boil down to “gossip”?, or that its one of those “my child’s story to tell” moments that we, ourselves can’t own.  For me, quite honestly, I struggle with the thought that if I talk about the negatives, am I being seen as “bashing” Woob’s firstmom, or openness, or adoption in general?  Bottom line, there are parts of the story we don’t feel at liberty to tell.

So here’s the question–if you’re not sharing “the whole picture”, good, bad and ugly, does it make the blog a farce or a sham?  Is it still “the truth?”.  DISCUSS



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Lurkers, Unite!

I posted the past few things protected by a password–I don’t do that very often, but sometimes things aren’t just meant for the world to see, even if those things arent’ that big of a deal.  So work isn’t always fun and sometimes M. gets angry…big whoop, right?

But one very cool side thing that happened as a result of passwording–okay two really cool things–my stats went way up, which is fun for me cause I’m totally into looking at my stats page.  There usually isn’t much to report, honestly.  I have REALLY low readership and I’m okay with it, but get a thrill when the little line spikes up 🙂  Secondly, and the coolest thing–I have some lurker friends who have peeked out to ask for the password, and I’ve met a few new people.  I can’t always tell who is reading me, especially if they have me on their reader.  Makes me wonder, aside from my 5 or so regular reader/friends–who are the rest of you?

If you are a lurker who generally doesn’t comment, please let me know who you are!  Either here or you can email me at zoobitydoo AT yahoo DOT com.  I’d love to meet you too!


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Protected: Wedding Whirl PART 3

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That last post was mostly for my own sanity, but if you feel the need, email me at zoobitydoo AT yahoo DOT com and I’ll give it out.  Also you may want to inquire for future posts as I’m thinking of posting one or two things that you actually might be interested in (pictures 🙂 )


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Wedding Whirl PART 2

I outlined N.’s wedding ceremony here.  It was a beautiful day and she was a beautiful bride.  We got to finally meet S., her husband, who seems to be a very nice young man.  He lets N. call the shots, and he is gentle with her babies.   That makes me happy.  Here’s a little about what happened next.

The reception was held right there in the back yard and the garage of N.’s mom’s house.  We’ve been there before, most notably for N.’s high school graduation party which was the first time we visited since Woob had been born a year before.  It’s interesting, because 3 1/2 years later, I can’t get a read on N.’s mom to save my life.  This weekend was no different.  Step-dad is always warm and welcoming and makes time to come and talk to us, not about anything special, but it just feels easy with him.  Mom is cordial and kind, but the connection is so hard, I never know how much to offer in.  I never feel comfortable.  She acknowledges us politely, and that’s pretty much it.  (making a mental note to send her a card thanking her for their hospitality…).  I even question should I send pictures to her when I’m sending them to everyone else.  When I have, there’s been no response, so I just don’t know the right way to go.  Anyway…

When the wedding was over, and we went to find N., she was still a little tearful and emotional, wanting to find her babies for pictures.  I was so happy that she included Woob.  Gave him a huge kiss and hug even though she was in a pretty white dress and he was slightly covered in mud, and made sure he was in the family pictures.  None were taken without him.  Again, I love that inclusion in that part of his family.  And the picture turned out great as well. 

While all the other festivities were going on, Woob had a chance to play with a lot of the other kiddos that were there.  There was a ball getting kicked around, and a sandbox to play in (what’s a little sand when you’re already muddy??), and balloons to be let loose.  It was fun to watch him enter into little games with the other kids.  The ring bearer is the groom’s nephew, really a sweet, handsome little boy, probably a year older than Woob.  At first it seemed like they were getting along great.  I don’t know what happened to turn the tide, but soon it turned into constant conflict between those two.  If one wanted to stand on the rock, the other wanted to.  If one wanted the blue sand shovel, the other would take it from his hand.  There was tackling involved in the ball game.  There was screeching, yelling, and desperate tears.  Oh, heavens, whats a mom to do?  Especially the adoptive mom who’s trying to make a good impression and wants people to know her kid is well-taught, well-behaved, sensitive, sweet and kind and ALWAYS SHARES!  😉  I say that with tongue in cheek.  But the fact is that I DO want people to think I’m doing a good job, and that most of the time, my kiddo IS really well behaved and plays well with others.  It was hard when my guy was wailing and upset that the shovel had been taken away and everyone was watching to see what was going on.  I used my best public parent skills, but to no avail.  My kid was upset and wanted justice!  Daddy ended up taking over.  I went and cut cake.

After all the traditional wedding stuff happened, things started winding down and it started getting pretty cold outside, so we called it a day and headed back to the hotel so Woob could swim and we could get some rest.  N. asked if we could get together over lunch and let the kiddos play together and visit awhile before we headed home, which I was glad of.  I was hoping there would be time, and was happy that she was the one initiating.  And it would be good for us to just be us.  The plan was to go to her house which we’d not yet seen, when we checked out (10:30) and the kids could play and we could go or bring in lunch.  I knew that the kids were staying at a friend’s that night but they were to pick the girls up around 9 or 9:30 next morning.  It all seemed pretty well planned out.  Woob was 8 kinds of excited, and overstimulated, and we were all so tired.

PART 3 to follow: The Visit


Filed under adoption, birthparents, open adoption

Wedding Whirl…

{For those of you who haven’t read here before, N. is my son Woob’s first mother.  This is the story of her wedding day.}

Saturday was Wedding Day for N. and S.  For those of you who read the previous posts, yes, I did find something to wear and yes, I did manage to decide on a gift I thought was appropriate for the occasion.  Neither of those things happened without way too much anxiety and energy, but that’s just my defective worry gene rearing its ugly head.  In the big picture, none of those things mattered.  They got married regardless of what I did or didn’t do or buy…and it was absolutely beautiful. 

The weekend was a little exhausting for several reasons.  Probably the biggest reason being that my job has been trying to kill me over the past three weeks.  I started the weekend with being just so tired, that I think it made it harder to do what needed to be done to prep for the wedding (shopping! packing! shopping! driving!).  Add the wedding and visit on top of that and my head is all awhirl with different emotions and thoughts about the way things are.  Its been hard for me to put events into neat little categories that will help other people understand, and parts of the story that I’ll probably never speak to any IRL friends or family about.  So many of the IRL people seem to be the CAUSE of a lot of the whirling and swirling in my head, as a matter of fact.  But here I’ll try my best to break it down.


Our little part of the world got pummelled with about three inches of rain on Thursday and Friday, which caused lots of flooding, mushiness, and just outright grumpiness for a lot of people.  Did I mention that N.’s wedding was to be an outdoor one (at her mom’s house)?  In addition to the wet dreariness, there has been quite a chill in the air as well.  It wasn’t boding well, but when I called to check on N. Friday to check the state of the union (haha, get it?), she was in good spirits, and totally committed to the whole outdoor thing, come hell or high water–literally.  It was cloudy for the full two hour drive to her town, but by the time we got there, there was full sunshine and a beautiful blue sky.  If you stood in the sun, you could manage to be comfortable in long sleeves and a sweater.  The afternoon weather was nothing short of a miracle.  Where there had been standing water in the yard yesterday, family and friends were gathering before the wedding, socializing and putting last minute touches in place.  Little weiner dogs were running around 🙂 and Woob was having fun petting them and reacquainting himself with his little sister, J.  Within 30 seconds of our arrival, the knees of Woob’s pants were covered in mud, because those little dogs were just too irresistable!  For the record, there is not enough “SHOUT” in the world to shout out what he did to those pants that day.  I started snapping pictures as soon as we got there–of the wedding setup, the cake/gift table, the guests as they milled around, the kiddos, and the family members that we know. 

I do think its kinda cool that we are able to attend an event like this and be welcomed, and that we know enough people to be comfortable (with very few exceptions) and to realize that there are no secrets there.  It seemed that everyone knew our role, and if they didn’t early on, N. never felt the need to hide the fact that Woob is her son and that we’ve adopted him. 

Before I go further, let me just set the scene…bright blue sky with a few swirly clouds, about 35-40 guests surrounding a wedding aisle lined with gorgeous gold and orange mums.  The aisle led to an arch which was twined with a fall leaf garland, and punctuated with more mums on each side.  The grass was thick and green from all the rain we had gotten this fall.  The groom and his groomsmen were all wearing brown pants with autumn-orange shirts.  Such a simple setting, but so pretty on a day like that.

We all finally got situated and music began playing and Granpa G. and N. peeked their heads out the back door to begin their procession.  Because I can’t let a good picture go untaken, I started walking around to get better shots.  Before very long, I realized that I was the ONLY ONE taking pictures.  The photographer didn’t show up, andI had unwittingly become the official photographer of this wedding with my little digital Canon, so didn’t really get to sit quietly in my seat to watch the ceremony.  And, oh…no pressure.

Walking down the aisle, I must say that N. looked so, absolutely beautiful.  She’s a rather tiny young woman, and as my son looks just like her, I think her face is absolutely beautiful.  I think I would think that even if he didn’t look like her.  That day, even moreso, all made up perfectly, and with her hilited auburn hair curled into sharp corkscrews a’la Shirley Temple.  Her white dress fit her beautifully–strapless, mermaid-style with a train, and with a back that laced up like lattice-work.  She was breathtaking, like all brides hope to be.  Her daddy walked her down the aisle and handed her to her new husband, who looked pretty serious and nervous, as many grooms do.  We’d never met S. before, so have no idea what he might be thinking, but he didn’t take his eyes off her the whole time they repeated their vows and exchanged rings, until their first kiss as a married couple.  N., for all her composure in the days prior to the wedding, had through the course of the ceremony, become a blubbery mess, however 🙂 .

The reception following the ceremony was held there in the yard and the garage, converted just for the occasion.  There was food and music, throwing of garters and bouquets, releasing of balloons, and cutting and eating of cake, with just a little bit of that cake flying through the air as the bride and groom smooshed it in each others faces.  And LOTS and LOTS of photos taken (130 I think??).

This could go on and on, so I’ll stop here and declare it the end of PART 1.  PART 2 to follow very soon.


Filed under adoption, birthparents, growing family, open adoption, things that make me smile