Connections

Over the years, I’ve made friends here online in the blog world, many of those friends have moved over to FB, and our conversations rarely revolve around adoption. In the “real” world, I have very few people around me everyday who understand my views on adoption. Heck, most people I have contact with, now that Woob is older and in school, don’t even know we adopted him.

A while back, I was in Woob’s first grade classroom, and one of his friends, a little girl whom I know was adopted from China, came up to me and stated, “Woob is adopted, isn’t he?” “Why, yes he is…did he tell you about that?” “No, I heard him talking to the teacher about it.” “Well, maybe you should ask him about it sometime.” I offered that thinking that maybe they could be a connection for one another…at least to have one other person who understood a little bit. A few days later, we were in the car where all great conversations happen. Woob piped up with, “I don’t like talking about adoption with my classmates. Sometimes they ask me questions but it makes me feel weird.” I told him some ways he could answer the questions without giving any information he didn’t want to give. I followed up by asking if there was anyone else in his class he know of that had been adopted. “Nope.” Interesting. So, he hasn’t made the connection yet.

Then move to earlier this week, working in the concession stand for the school’s baseball team. Another mom came to help. She is the mom of a little boy who is in Woob’s class and they have been great buddies from the very beginning in Kindergarten. This mom said, “I’ve been wanting to talk to you and ask your opinion on something. We’ve never kept “S’s” adoption a secret from him, but its not something we really talk about a whole lot either…” I said “STOP. I had no idea you adopted S!” and she continued a minute. I responded something about, “well, when we adopted Woob…” and she said “STOP! I had no idea you adopted Woob!” Geez, its like the whole “who’s on first” routine! She was just approaching me as a social worker, apparently. So here we are, friends who now have another connection to our friendship. And our boys have the potential to have another connection within theirs. Neither of us have heard either of the boys mention this about the other, and we wonder if they even know. Neither of us want to “out” our kids to each other if indeed they don’t want to tell anyone, but both of us wish they had someone there to “get it.”

I know its a long, rambly story, but at that moment, talking to my this mom friend, I felt something I hadn’t felt in such a long time…a real connection with someone who understood a part of who I was, about what our family thinks about. It was good. I’m looking forward to seeing where this goes.

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2 Comments

Filed under adoption

2 responses to “Connections

  1. If you have the mom’s permission (and it sounds like you do) I’d go ahead and out them to each other. You can let him know that S might feel private about his adoption, too. One of the things that comes up in our All Adoption Meeting is that some of the adult adoptees never knew any other adoptees when they were children and they say it was very lonely. Others who did have friends who were adopted say it wasn’t something they necessarily talked about it but it was nice to take for granted that they weren’t the only ones. So I’d say it’s worth outing both the other children in the class in a matter of fact way.

    • M.

      It all did come out…Papa2Roo told Woob about it and its all cool, and not overly exciting to the kids (all in a day’s work, right?). It was interesting, however, when we went to a party of other parents whose kids are all in Woob’s class, that discussion turend to this, and without me disclosing anything, several/most already knew about the adoptions of both of our kids. Not totally surprising since we all go to the same church, however, we didn’t run in similar circles before, so I never knew who was aware and who wasn’t.

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