Monthly Archives: June 2007

Blogroll-call

I’ve been terribly negligent about keeping my blogroll current.  There are those of you that I read regularly and so appriciate that I just haven’t gotten around to adding over the past few months.  You are fellow adoptive parents, first parents, adopted persons, reformers, funny people and friends.  Some of you know who you are, and perhaps others of you don’t know you’re some of my favorites.  Some of you I agree with and feel a connection to, and others of you make me thinky and uncomfortable and that’s why I read you.  So…over the next few days I’ll be adding on…see you then!

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Rainy Day Stuff

Since I worked approximately two DAYS over last week, I have today off.  A dark, rainy Friday.  OFF WORK!!  It hasn’t rained in weeks here, really, and today’s the day.  Because I was going to pick the Woob up early from daycare and go to the pool for the first time this year.  Bummer.  But its okay, because you know what?  I’m OFF WORK!! 🙂

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My Bro in Law (who Woob’s middle name is after) is staying with us for a few days.  He’s in from Texas visiting family before he goes back home.   A few months ago he was declared cancer-free (liver), but almost immediately afterwards his markers started going up. Thye’ve since found another tumor near where the other one was and they’ll have to do a procdure to zap it and follow up with more chemo/radiation.  Oh, and two days ago he found out his division in Dallas is closing down pretty much immediately.  No job.  On long-term disability.  Crap.  Prayers, please, people!

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The Woob is getting so big!  This morning I asked him to bring me his shoes, and to my surprise, he did!  One at a time.  He can also “moo” and tell you where his hair, tummy, feet, hands and tongue are.  When in doubt about any other body part, he points to his ear.  Works for me.

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We’re planning on flying to Boston for our vacation in a few weeks.  We’ve never flown with the Woob before.  He’s wiggly and doesn’t like to sit still, much less on our laps.  The pediatrician told us we were well within our legal rights to give a dose of Benadryl before the flight.  Anybody do this?  Does it work?  Should I feel bad even considering it?

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Its been nice being able to email N. here and there and let her know what’s going on and hear about her day-to-day, too.  Its worth the worry just to be in touch.

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After all the nasty-rotton-thumb drama of a few weeks ago, Woobie STILL is not sucking his thumb.  WOW. 

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Happy Friday!!

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Filed under adoption, not much, open adoption, thumb-sucking

Lulling…

I’ve been quiet lately–avoiding friends both online and IRL, it seems though it hasn’t been a conscious thing.  I’m just starting to realize it.  I don’t know what to really say.  My real life friends, for the most part, have no idea about our newest developments with N.  They just can’t understand really.  Either they’ll make a huge deal (not in a necessarily positive way) about it, which I don’t have the extra energy to deal with, OR they’ll not see it for the huge deal that it really is…heh–isn’t it great when we set up our friends in a way that they can’t possibly win?  I dunno, maybe I don’t give them enough credit, but I think I do.

One might think I’m somewhat less inclined to write because things are a little more settled on the Openness-In-Adoption front, but I think really, its because its just opened up a whole new set of questions, issues, insecurities, yada yada, that I am having some difficulty expressing ANYTHING.

So, the bottom line is that Woobie is going to be a big brother right around the time he will turn 2 years old.  No, you didn’t miss anything.  No, I’m not expecting.  We learned N. was expecting as we were leaving from our first visit together a few weeks back.  A shock to be sure, because that was the extremely last thing I would have guessed if I were given a hundred guesses.  I feel so blessed that all this is coming together now, because one of my biggest fears was that Woob would have brothers and sisters out there that we might never even know about, and now he hopefully will grow up and truly KNOW them. 

But then, I worry about N. and her health and her living situation and health care situation and family situation and people’s automatic judgment, and have to find a way to STEP BACK while still being supportive.  It is so hard for me who is a mother and a social worker to NOT try to be HER mother and social worker, ya know?  I admire her fearlessness, because on a good day I carry enough anxiety for the both of us. 

And I worry what this means for the Woob down the line when he sees that his mother for some reason made the choice not to raise him, but made the choice to parent his sibling when situations haven’t changed all that much–in fact, things might even be a little harder in a lot of ways for N. now.  Again, so glad that N. will be around so she can help fill in the gaps of understanding, and will be able to do so much better than I could.

I think I remember one or more people saying to me when finding out we were adopting: “Oh, you’re going to have kids the easy way, hahahhahaha.”  And to those who said it, I say to them, “Bite me.”

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I Don’t Know What This Is

We had our second visit with N. and boyfriend today.  The second in a matter of two weeks, after no real contact on N’s part for a full year.  Its rather surreal.  And what’s a little weirder is that it isn’t more weird, if that makes any sense.  Maybe its because there’s no lack of things to talk about–there’s always this precious boy right in front of us or really close by.  There are all the things we don’t know about one another from all of our lifetimes, good, bad and ugly.  There are conversations about people who we don’t know and may never know, but who are ever present in one way or another.  And so we’re building this thing, but I don’t know what it is, or what we are in it, you know?

Are we friends?  Could we possibly be at this early time?  I mean, there must be some level of trust there for us to be given the privelege of raising Woob.  And they’ve shared things with us that their parents don’t know, and are pretty straightforward about sharing lots of things.  But friends, I just don’t know.

Are we mentors?  Do they really care what we think, what our experience has been in life?  Does it even match up with the life they are living right now and the same kinds of choices they have to make?  Are the similarities in our lives enough to make up for the differences when it comes to what kind of support we can offer and what they can accept or even ask for?

Or are we just the people raising her son?  Are we the conduit for her to see him thrive and grow, and that’s enough?

And what is it that I want this to be?  That we want to be for her?  I’ve wanted this to happen for so long, and now, I don’t really know what to do with it.  But I know its something precious and something that I want to continue and nurture, and find out more. 

Whatever it is, I don’t want to screw it up.  For me or the Woob. 

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Filed under adoption, birthparents, open adoption, parenthood, reflection

Putting on the Brakes…

Can you believe my employer is cracking down on Internet usage during work hours??  Probably with good reason.  But because of their good reason, my blogging and reading is going to come to a screeching halt. 

So, the quick update here is that tomorrow N. will be visiting us at our house for the first time (I’ve been cleaning lots–who wants to think they placed their child with a family who has dirty bathrooms??).  Anyway, the weather is supposed to be beautiful.  Perhaps we’ll have more time to just talk about things–there’s plenty, let me tell you.  Lots of missed time to make up for and plans for the future to discuss.  And playing with the Woobie of course.  All this IS about him, ya know.

I’ll fill you all in soon. 

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Oh, To Be a Spoon!

Right now, the coolest thing in the house, if you are a young Woobie, is a spoon.  Little baby feeding spoons, ice cream scoops, spatulas, serving spoons, measuring spoons and little beach sand shovels.  A spoon, occasionally used to actually convey food to the mouth, is also a drum stick, a ball holder, a teether, a head scratcher, and a scepter.  The little Toot even spanked my bottom with one two nights ago.  He. Loves. His. Spoons. 

He’s growing so fast, and so rarely wants to snuggle, I found myself today (staying home from work with Woob due to a skin malady) thinking that if I were a spoon, he’d snuggle with me and never leave my side.  Weird what motherhood does to a girl, right?  I mean, when was the last time YOU fantasized about being a spoon??

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Filed under adoption, growing up, mamahood