To Be the Perfect Mother

Oh, how I long to be a perfect parent.  Well, not even a perfect one, but a BETTER one.  Sure, I make dinner and clean house, and love on my baby and come when he’s hurt…all the good, nurturing mommy things.  But lately, my patience is just too thin, and my young son’s defiance independence is coming out, and all too often I hear myself doing that thing that my mother did to me–the yelling, cajoling, fussing and lecturing.  Ugh.  I hate that version of me.  And I’m sure Woob does too.  So I’m airing it here for all of you to see–maybe a form of self-flagellation?–because I’m sure I’m not the only one (AM I??).  And I’m hoping we moms can help each other with some words of wisdom.  What helps you keep your cool?  What helps you keep the limits that you set, for yourselves and your kids?  What is it that stops you from losing it when the power struggles start?  See, the thing is I know the “answers” about not engaging in power struggles, using humor, inclusion, taking a nurturing stance, a learning stance…all those nice textbooky kinds of things, but heavens, I still struggle with it.

I have a great, sweet, loving little boy.  He is my heart. I need to pull it together so he knows it.

Tonight I’m Gonna Party Like its 1999

Well, not so much.  Watching the “10yearsago” twitter responses took e down memory lane.  On the eve of 2000, I was 30 years old, and finishing up my Masters degree (july 2000).  Hubby and I had been married six years, we’d been in our house 5, and hadn’t yet tackled many of the renovations that needed to be done.  For the record on the house, some have been made, and REMADE since then, others are just now getting done, some of the things that the house has needed are still waiting to be done.  Bleh.

Anyway, 10 years ago tonight, we had a Happy Mellinium party in our basement.  Since we were going to be ripping out our basement carpet and walls soon, we were a little lenient about what happened inside.  We brought in a friends DJ equipment, brought in decorations, lots of champagne, food and people.  In the words of Barney…it was legend–wait for it–ary!.  Lots of dancing in party hats.  And as the guests were dancing during the countdown, me and hubby armed ourselves with a video camera and cut the power at midnight.  There was a lot of “holy shit, it really happened!”  and “I knew this was going to happen!” talking about the wholeY2K scare.  We didn’t let them worry it out too long.  We’ve never done anything that big here since.  Our new year celebrations are usually pretty tame, and with the advent of parenthood, of course, things will never be the same again.

This year, as I sit here on the eve of 2010, I have two cats laying on my legs keeping me warm, in a basement that looks like it is in a different house than what we had before.  There will be no champagne or “poppers” spilling onto the carpet.  The floor is, however, littered with the toys of a three year old boy–about 50 hotwheels cars, some rc cars, chutes and ladders and the box to the new Wii.  Today, Hubby is helping a niece and her husband and baby move (to Indy!).  That niece was not yet 13 ten years ago.  Where for years, Uncle2Roo would be sleeping on our couch between Christmas and New Years, its hard to believe this is the second holiday without him on this earth.

Things change so much, people come into our lives and leave them.  Hoping all the changes in the coming year are for the best for you and for your families.  Happy 2010!

I Want a Talking Dog for Christmas

That is what my son has told me over and over for weeks now.  Talking dogs are very prevalent on tv and movies these days and its impossible to convince Woob that they don’t indeed exist.  Oh, but he’s in that sweet time in life, where magic really happens, and I’m holding on to that with both hands, trying not to shatter his innocence.

I don’t remember when I found out that Santa wasn’t real.  Could it have been the year my older sister showed me where mom hid all our Christmas presents, and in my parents’ absence we took them all out and played with them for awhile? (Where WERE our parents when we were that little?? I am always telling my mother that we weren’t adequately supervised while we were children, but she doesn’t agree.)  That year, I got corduroys with a roller skate on the back pocket and a Donny and Marie microphone/amplifier.  Very cool.  But none of it came from Santa, and I don’t remember being heartbroken or feeling jaded or betrayed by the “big Santa lie.”   So I guess I’m not too worried about perpetuating that little fantasy of the magic of Santa, since it was such a non-issue in my own life.

Woob is not quite four, but he’s already seen the shows on tv about kids wondering about the “realness” of Santa.  He watched as Will Farrel pulled the beard off “fake” Santa, telling him he “sits on a throne of lies” and “smells like beef and cheese”.  And directly following, saw how song and Christmas Spirit was able to get the “real Santa’s” sleigh off the ground at the end.  That seems to be a common theme, I guess going all the way back to “Yes, Virginia, there is a Santa Claus” published in the newpaper every year since way before my time.  I want him to hold on to the magic, and to believe.  Its one of the few precious things kids have left these days, that belief in magic.

I love it when he asks how reindeer can fly, or how Santa climbs into the chimney.  He’s trying to figure out if Santa “sneaks” in, or just happens to stop by as we sleep.  He’s trying to figure out who is on the “naughty list” and who is on the “nice” list.  He’s been singing snippets of various mingled Christmas songs for the past week, which is SOOOO cute, and brought me a lanyard strung with beads and a jingle bell that he made at daycare himself.  I proudly wore it to the home improvement warehouse and the grocery store last night while he sang his own version of Jingle Bells.  And as he followed me through the dairy aisle, he asked me, “Mom, is Santa Claus real?”  “Why of course he is, sweetie.”  “Is Christmas Jesus’ birthday party?”  “It sure is.”  “And Jesus and Santa are in our hearts?”  “Yes they are, and they both love you very much.”  “I love Jesus, too, Mom.”  *melt*

Wishing you and yours magic and love this season.