The title above comes from the readings from church this Sunday, ironically. Remember this? That I wrote just days ago? Well, just know that very quickly the story continues right back up the path it started from. When we left off, my hubby pretty much
hated me was very disappointed in my choice to back out of the build and thought I was a raving lunatic. Well, I kind of was. And I so appreciate the readers who chimed in supporting my decision. Of the few words he did speak to me that night, they included, “well, I’m not calling them to tell them to put a stop to it. You’re gonna have to do it.” Gladly. And that’s what I did. I called our realtor and gushed out all over again with the “I need out of this, we can’t do this, I’m sorry, but I’m otta here.” She countered with the thought that I had a natural case of buyer’s remorse (UM, YEAH!), and that all would be well. I gave her all of my reasons and a few tears, and she said, OK, I’ll call the builder and tell him to hold on a minute and I’ll get back in touch with you to see if you change your mind in a few days. I didn’t WANT her to call me back. My last words were “I will not change my mind on this.” Turns out I didn’t have to change my mind, but it was pretty much changed for me, learning that it was truly, really too late to turn back without some signficiant financial loss over and above our earnest money. I won’t go into it here. But there you have it. Hubby is happy again. He also thankfully pulled in another tucked away financial source I didn’t even know we had, that came as part of the inheritance from his brother, which will help ease things a bit when they get tighter and, and also bring our overall down payment to a (relatively) reasonable level. Turns out Uncle2Roo, even from his grave, is gonna help us build this house.
Now, just because all this is somewhat settled that its happening, does not mean that I am altogether settled with it. Things are still going to be TIGHTIGHITHTIGHT over the next several months. It will be a summer of NO FUN THINGS, GOING NOWHERE, SPENDING NO MONEY, and being ANTISOCIAL. I’ve re-run the numbers with more accurate estimates of payments from the banker working our loans, and with this cut here and that cut there and a big ol’ budget down to the penny, we will make this work. We won’t have curtains or landscaping at the new house, but we will not starve. Woob will still get to go to the school we chose for him this fall. I have been truly sick with worry for the past week (along with the flu for good measure), and marched my little fanny to the Dr.’s office to re-up my anti-anxiety meds which I hadn’t needed since my infertility days. Its helping take a very big edge off for now. And its cheap so that’s good.
We’ve had a few BIG TALKS over the past few days–me threatening hubby with his life if he goes off the budget by even a penny. Me wailing about how we’ll never be able to (insert fun thing here) again! Wah Wah Wah.
And at some point he just stopped me. He looked me in the eyes and said, “This is going to be okay. It will be hard at first and we’ll be making sacrifices that I think we’ll be glad of later. We’ll become smarter with our money, we’ll be stronger becasue we’re in this together, and things will be fine. There are very few things in our marriage that I’ve really wanted and insisted on, and if I thought this in any way was going to ruin our life together, I wouldn’t do it. I need you to trust me and trust my judgement. I’ve done the same for you. When you told me you wanted to adopt, that was really nowhere on my radar. You asked me to trust you and it has been the biggest gift of my life. When you told me you wanted to have an OPEN adoption, I thought you had lost your mind, but you were so sure and confident, and now look. Its such a good thing for all of us. I’m asking you to put the same kind of trust in me. We won’t know how it will turn out until we try.” What the hell do you even SAY to that?
So, now, my job is to push him to get the house ready to sell (my BIGGEST anxiety!), and to maintain a budget that works. His job is to do whatever it takes to make this happen as painlessly for me as possible, and at the end of it to make sure he can tell me “I told you so.”
So folks, we’re building a house. For better or for worse, for richer or for poorer. With medication and without, and paying mortgage til death do us part. We are. Ground breaks Monday.