Category Archives: birthdays

THREE.

Three short years ago, there was really no way to comprehend how full my heart would be with being a mommy to our little Woob.  As I’m writing this at just a little after eight in the morning, I realize that only the following had yet happened:

1.  We were called to show up at the hospital around 5 a.m. to wait in a little waiting room off the emergency. 

2.  We were called just prior to 6:30 by N.’s Dad who was in the delivery room.  We had not yet met him, but he called to say the baby had been born, and “wait a second…”  We waited, and a few seconds later, we heard the first cry of the baby who would become our son.  What a gift.  I am still in awe that he thought to do that–he didn’t have to.

3.  We met Woob’s grandparents for the first time on the hospital ward.

4.  We saw the naked, squalling, newborn through the glass, getting his vitals checked and all the poking and prodding that’s involved with coming into the world.

And that’s it.  By this time on that day, we had not yet met N. in person, not yet held our son, talked to his family about his history and their wishes, met with tiresome attorneys…given first baths, baptized, heard first words, watched first steps, taught first words, taken to daycare, rocked to sleep a thousand times, fed solid foods, giggled, cried, pulled in a wagon, pushed on a swing, climbed on a slicky slide, gone to the ocean, taken to the zoo, played in the snow, and on and on and on…and all of the other miracles that came along the way till now.  How could we have possibly known the joy we’d feel?

Woob, I love you with all my heart and still can’t believe you are with us.  I pray every day that I succeed in doing right by you, in giving you what you need to grow up healthy and happy and strong.  May the sun shine on you today.  You’re THREE! (That means you get to go roller skating! 😉  )

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Filed under adoptee, adoption, birthdays, birthparents, motherhood, open adoption, reflection, things that make me smile

Welcome 2 The World

Woob’s tiny baby sister #2 came into the world this week, a little earlier than I anticipated.  We’ll call her Baby M.  I happened to call on what I THOUGHT was the afternoon before N. would be induced, and left a voicemail–“hi, its me.  Hope you’re doing well and all ready for tomorrow.  We’re all excited and can’t wait to meet the new little one!”  Too little too late apparently, because I immediately received a picture mail of new baby that had been born maybe two or three hours before!  She’s tiny and pink, and that’s about all I know.  I was able to view some clearer pictures on the hospital website and and putting together a package with several things–BELATED birthday card/gift for Baby J. <hangs head>, new baby card/gift, and upcoming birthday card for N.  Still don’t know what gifts to include as I haven’t really deciphered whether sending gifts is a good thing or a bad thing.  Regardless, I’m trying to take my few but faithful readers’ advice and just do what I want to do now and allow her to take the initiative to let me know directly if there’s a problem with that.  I think I’ve found the perfect idea for a gift–a certificate from daipers dot com.  That way she can use it for things for her, for either one or both of the babies, and do it from her own home.  Even if she doesn’t have internet access, she can call the 1800 number and order up whatever size/brand diaper she needs, or formula–whatevah.  Cool, yes?  (Marci, I’m thinking about you here, too, after reading your question about baby shower things on the other website).

So, now Woob has TWO baby sisters.  Two KEPT baby sisters.  Always wondering what that will mean to him.  Of course we haven’t gotten to the HARD parts of the story yet, not really.  He knows he has a “birthmom” named N. or Mama N., and has been told he grew in her belly.  He’s just now starting to get an education about babies in bellies as his daycare teacher recently had a baby, his cousin has recently had a baby, he’s heard about but not seen that N. had a baby in her belly.  If you ask him who his baby sister is, he can tell you it is Baby J.  He can identify N. and Baby J. in pictures.  I’m not so sure he even understands the concept of “sister” yet.  He knows when we say our prayers that we always thank God and ask Him to watch over and protect N. and Baby J., and more recently we’ve been adding “and New Baby Sister M.”  I don’t know when we’ll meet her.  I don’t know when he’ll start putting things together.  I know now is the time to really be aware of the language and the story and the feelings when we do talk about this, and to talk about it fairly regularly. 

At what age did your kids start really putting some pieces together about birth and siblings and relationships and adoption?

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Physically and Emotionally Exhausted

Too much has been happening too fast over the past several weeks, and my head is in a whirl and my body just feels tired.  

My second blood test yesterday wasn’t what they’d hoped it would be numbers-wise.  I have to do another one first thing tomorrow morning.  In the meantime, I’ve been pre-grieving the loss of this pregnancy, even before its definitely lost, and am shocked at how hard its hitting me.  Meanwhile, I’m having to show up at work fresh-faced and professional with my co workers, who are finding out the genders of their babies, coming to work with morning sickness, and all of that.  Let’s do the time-warp, shall we?  I mean, isn’t this the same thing I could’ve typed many, many years ago??  but what can I say?  I invited this into my life by initiating IF treatment.

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We visited with Woob’s first family Sunday.  He got to visit with his mom and her boyfriend (who he LOOOOOVES), and meet his pretty new baby sister, who he isn’t really interested in or disturbed by one way or another.  He also got to see his grandparents, and was charming towards them.  His grandma was especially melted I think, and told me what a good job I was doing with him.  I don’t know if she was reassuring me as a parent, or herself as possibly someone who influenced her daughter’s decision to place (???).  Who knows.  Either way, my boy was sooooo good all day including in the car 2+ hours both ways.  I was so proud of him.  I do wish me and N. could have more time just to ourselves, because Woob is so drawn to C. that I think she gets ripped off in that department.  And I never get to talk to her about anything of substance…I worry that we might never.  I don’t even know what specifically that substantive topic would be, but just that there isn’t the opportunity to do it.

And I was proud of myself, because I made this trip by myself.  DH was off on a golf outing for four days.  Probably another reason why I feel so exhausted and irritable.  I need a break.

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I haven’t had my hair cut in eons, my house is a total disaster, and my laundry is as piled up as it can get…clean, but piled up.  I’m wondering what in the world I was thinking, believing I had the energy to raise another baby…

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Pray for my blood test tomorrow that it was just a flukey kind of thing–though rare, I hear these things happen.

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Birthday

Tomorrow was the only time we could really have the Woob’s second birthday party.  We had the place reserved (so we didn’t have to clean the house…).  The big cake is waiting at the bakery for pickup tomorrow.  Invitations have been sent.  And its snowing…really hard.  The place we were having the party closed today due to weather and the weather wasn’t even all that bad.  So I guarantee they’ll be closed tomorrow.

I know it doesn’t matter to HIM…he won’t remember it, he doesn’t know its even going to happen.  Its just we wanted him to have a fun day playing with his little cousins and friends.  And really celebrate the day he was born–which really does deserve “doing it up right.”

On a happier note, we went for his 2 year checkup and again, he was declared “perfect” by Dr. M.   In two short years he went from 8 lbs 11 oz and 21 1/2 inches to 29 lbs 3 oz and 35 inches.  He can jump with both feet off the ground.  He can drink out of a straw, use a fork and spoon, and say “C’mon Nanny.”  He can choose between two things when offered.  He can have a conversation of sorts.  He answered every one of the Dr.’s questions today accurately.  He can climb, he can hit, he can play on the “pooter.”  He has a memory like you wouldnt believe.  He is loved by more people than I can count.  He has changed my life in ways I have difficulty comprehending…in just 2 short years.

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What’s Going On in My World

  • Plodding through with our first (and it looks like only) round of IVF.  See www.schmertile.wordpress.com for more detials if interested.  Stress abounds.
  • Planning Woob’s Second Birthday Extravaganza!  Yes, you heard that right, two years old!  I love him so much!  Still haven’t purchased the birthday gift yet, but have the place reserved.
  • Planning a visit to see N. probably the weekend of Woob’s birthday (yay!).  She emailed news that she got an apartment that she and C. and Baby J. will be moving into soon.  Thank Goodness, Thank Goodness.  That’s all I can say about that.  I can’t wait to see her and meet J.!!  It will be interesting to see the similarities between Woob and J.  (And Gretchen, I did buy a W*l M*art card to send in the mail this week.  Thanks for the suggestion!)
  • It has been almost exactly a year since I started this blog, and if you’ll remember, at that time, Woob was getting ready for the first birthday and we hadn’t heard even once from N. in that whole year.  She called on his birthday, then soon after, invited us to her graduation party where we had a great visit!  Then she and C. came to see us this fall.  We have occasional email, mail and phone contact in the meantime.  Wow have things changed!
  • I’m missing some of my adoption bloggy friends…drop me  line if I haven’t seen you in awhile! 

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Baby’s Back ‘On’

In case you didn’t catch my addendum to the post Friday, they sent N. back home after originally telling her she’d be having her baby that day.  She was bummed and ready to meet her new little girl.  I got an email tonight that she’ll be induced first thing tomorrow morning.  She sounded excited and she’s got an air of hope about her.  She’ll be great, I’m sure.  The funny thing about it all is that originally we were planning to go this weekend for a visit before the baby was born (her due date isn’t for a week and a half).  Obviously, knowing the baby was coming sometime this week, we decided to lay low and hold off on a visit and assumed that was just a given.  Apparently not.  She’s still thinking at the time of her email that we’ll be coming up.  There’s gonna be so much going on and she, in my opinion, needs this time with her family and friends to celebrate the birth of her little girl.  Yes, we are her friends and Woob is her family, but…

I’m really afraid that our presence so near the time of her delivery could really trigger some heavy stuff with her.  I mean, the last time we saw her in a hospital, she had just given birth to Woob.  She was crying as she left and as we were comforting the baby after his circumcision.  It wasn’t a time that felt good for ANY of us.  How could it be okay to be there at this point??

On the other hand, I am a class A worrier, and awfulize everything, usually unnecessarily.  That and, I’m not her mother.  She already has one of those.  So who am I to impose what I think she will or won’t be feeling or thinking.  Heck, with some of the turmoil that goes on in her life and family, maybe we’re some of the most stable people around for her and she needs us there.  I just don’t know how to judge it.

I don’t think we’ll come this weekend, that’s for sure.  Next weekend at the VERY earliest, but, gah…I just remember how TIRED I was one week, two weeks, a month into the sleep deprivation.  Of course, I’m old compared to her youth, so that’s no way to gage it either, I suppose.

I don’t know…

I’m just happy Little Sis is coming, I know N. is looking forward to meeting her and so are we. 

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Oh, Happy Birthday to Me…

I am only four days into my 38th year, and I’ll be darned if my back didn’t go out this morning.  Getting ready to leave for my annual birthday brunch with the in-laws, I bent down to pick up the Woob and when I stood up, I felt a crack in my lower back and knew that I was done for.  Its not the first time this has happened, but it is the first time it has been injured to this extent while handling the baby.  It makes me feel terribly old for one thing, but also sad.  This afternoon I did everything I could to care for myself and loosen the thing up, but no amount of cold compress, pain reliever or taking it easy will make it okay to pick my boy up right now. 

On a sweeter note, the same day I turned 38, Woob turned 18 months.  Yep, I blinked, and there it went.  The tiny baby we just brought home (just yesterday??) can now count to 10, fill in some of the ABCs, sing along to Snuggle Puppy, climb into the bathtub himself, use a fork, run, voice his opinion on some things, and has 12 teeth.  Oh, and something sweet he’s just started, is when he wants me to look at something, he’ll come grab my hand and lead me along.  I LOVE holding hands with my little guy–simply bliss.  I’d follow him anywhere.

So as I sit here with my ice pack watching the Emmy’s, and contemplate calling in sick to work tomorrow, I have to say I’m looking forward to what the rest of this year has to bring, and where my little Woob is going to lead me next.

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