Not On the Same Page

Things are stressful at Casa de la Roo lately.  Thank God no one’s sick or dying, we both are employed.  All is well.  But its all of the sudden not.  The hubby is pissed at me, and right now, I’m okay with it, but I think it might last a long long time, and that makes me so sad.

It all started with the blessed event about a month and a half ago…we paid off our house (see, things are good!).  Which put visions of sugarplums dancing right into our heads.  We’ve been in our home, modest but decent, for the past 16 years.  For the past several months we’ve been “looking” at houses.  There was one I fell in love with, but it needed a little more work than hubby wanted to put in, so he put off making an offer.  He put it off so long that the seller eventually went to a realtor to sell, which jacked the price up$30,000 by the time hubs thought better of making an offer.  Bummer.  But I”m okay.  We’re fine. 

Then we looked around again.  This time, while we went on a lark to an open house, again, I fell in love with a particular house.  Very different from the first one, but a home I could very much picture us living in.  We made a verbal offer and they verbally accepted.  It needed new cabinets and for the PURPLE master bath to be retiled.  WE went out to measure cabinets to price new and took another look-see, and went and drafted our purchase agreement.  The owners returned the purchase agreement with “changes in red” and that somehow felt to hubby like a challenge or aggressive or what have you and he said, “nope, we’re not signing this.”  At that point it was me that was pissed.  I had already emotionally invested.  It was a little more than I expected to pay for a house, but I’d made the calculations in my head about how we could continue and it seemed to make sense.  So I’moped for a few days, but really, I thought, its for the best since it really WAS so much money.

We went to more open houses, lots of different kinds.  Then one day he calls and says, “you know I was talking to (a realtor we know) who works with (a builder we know of), building in (a neighborhood we’d like to live in).  I made an appointment to go just meet and talk.”  And within one week, somehow, not only had we agreed on a plan to build, a lot to build within the neighborhood, but somehow at a pricetag 50,000 higher than the house we had already backed out on.  After you get done choking on your coffee, please know that I did say 50,000 higher than the house we really couldn’t afford the first time. 

For a little over a week, I have been running numbers, rearranging the budget, looking to sell my car, cut back EVERYTHING, change my plans to send my kiddo to the private school we had already agreed on, etc and STILL things weren’t adding up.  We are people who like to go out to eat, who like to see movies, who like to play golf, who like to go on vacation.  We are not people who discontinue their satellite dish and radio and to-your-door newspaper.  Even when I got rid of all of that and the land line in our budget, that put us barely in the black, wth no room at all for emergencies. And not knowing how much our house will truly sell for, adding that in was making me a sick, whiny, scared mess.  And then gasoline went up 30 more cents with promises for more, my office lost another contract and, and, and….    It just all seemed a little “bird in the hand is worth two in the bush” kind of thing.  I can tell you that I feel so strongly about NOT going through this, that the earnest money we put down on the building contract, gone now, is not even of any concern to me.  To ME the money-pincher.

As for hubby, he doesn’t see how tight things would be.  He doesn’t know thing one about how our bills run or what costs what.  Our lives would be VERY limited, and we’d have NO freedom, at least not for the next 6 months. He sees only that he had the dream of building this house. (His deceased brother is a home builder, and we had hoped one day that he’d have been able to build our home).  I have shattered his dream with one tear filled, burbling, rambling session where I tell him I just can’t do it.  And he’s pissed and sad and feeling broken.  He is dreading telling anyone he told of our plans that we’re not following through.  I hate it. He hasn’t spoken to me all night.  I wonder if he ever will again.  I wonder if every time something breaks down in this house, he’ll blame me.  I wonder if he’ll forgive me anytime soon.  I really feel like this is best for our family, and that we can find or build something relatively soon that actually fits within our budget after we take a little bit of time to live within a budget FIRST over time, not by default.

So tonight, I feel like crap.  But at the very same time, I feel lighter and more sane and comfortable than I have felt in weeks.

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4 Comments

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4 responses to “Not On the Same Page

  1. shannon2818

    Good job sticking with your convictions. I’m sure he’ll forgive you, especially after you find a fabulous house more in your price range.

  2. eh — I hate stand-offs like that. Deep breaths, and I’m sure you’ll find something that you both will love. And can pay for. Good luck!

  3. StorkWatcher

    Firs, glad you are out from under the building. I would think with the market the way it is and new construction not quite picking back up to the levels it was before, you’ll be able to find a reputable builder who might be able to save you some money and still give you what you want.

    Going through a few days of yuck now w/ hubby is better than 30 years of dread and ulcer-creating stress after you have the new mortgage! I’d hate to see you sacrifice any plans you have for Woob!

    I remember the last times we got close to building – UGH. There’s a reason they say remodeling and building are true tests of a marriage. Not so much fun!

    Things will get better. Hopefully he soon come to realize it’s in the family’s best interests to sit back for a few and really take a close look at thigs and choose your next steps carefully. And the optimist in me says that a year or two for now, you’ll be in the perfect place, making a toast to yourselves for NOT going through with this project or these first homes you’ve looked at!

    Hugs!

  4. Pingback: A Wise Man Builds his House on a Rock | Letters to a Birthmother

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