Radio Silence…

I don’t like it, I don’t like it, I don’t like it. 

Seems we always come back to this place of uncertainty.  Or at least I do.  Things have been quiet the past few months with no known reason.  Just quiet.  I *think* N. and her family moved to a nearby town a couple of months ago, but I’m not sure.  Facebook’s been quiet, texts and emails haven’t been answered, and nothing’s been initiated from her side since January, when she sent the coolest little pair of monster-feet snowshoes for Woob out of nowhere.  We called her to thank her and then that was it…nothing else.  I’m assuming she moved, as I knew she was planning to.  With that move, her internet may have never been reconnected.  Usually when she’s out of minutes to talk on her phone, she still gets unlimited texts, so…just don’t know.  But aside from that, we had no contact on Woob’s birthday which made me so sad for him, for her, for us all.  I don’t really know what to do with that.

At four, Woob is at such a neat place…he’s starting to “get” things, and do things–understanding letters and words, playing tee-ball, telling stories, and being overall hilarious and cute and of course being quite a stubborn little stinker as well.  AND, he’s continuing to process his story, his family connections, his birth.  HE initiates talking about N and his sisters.  I know that with that understanding will also come an understanding of losses he’s incurred in the past.  But Lord, please don’t let us have to experience a RE-loss of N. and the girls, because that seems so not-understandable, almost more painful than the initial loss. 

Do you see a pattern with this blog?  THINGS GO WELL FOR AWHILE—>THINGS QUIET DOWN—>WORRY STARTS—>HESITANCE STARTS—>AWFULIZING STARTS—>CONTACT, ALL IS WELL, WHAT WAS I WORRIED ABOUT? LIFE IS GOOD!—>LATHER, RINSE, REPEAT

So.  Here’s my plan, since really awfulizing things when there is no true evidence is fairly unhelpful:  Tonight, I call her.  If she’s not there, and doesn’t get back to me by Monday, I call her dad and let him know we’re not connecting and see if he can give me some insight (that SO feels like tattling, which is why I haven’t given him a ring yet).  The good news is that I’ll get to touch base with him as well, so we’ll be killing 2 birds with one stone.  Perhaps I’ll get a new address out of the deal?  Other news?  I don’t know.  But I’ve been hesitant to do this for a while and its time to do it.  Because I have the coolest pictures and stories and neat things to tell her and really want to know what’s going on with her too!

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6 Comments

Filed under adoption

6 responses to “Radio Silence…

  1. Hang in there, the silence’s can be so loud, can’t they?

  2. It’s so tough – just fumbling our ways through this journey for the first time.

    I hope you can verify at least an address soon so you can send off a little note and care package. Try not to think the worst (even though that’s what I would do…) – like you said, it always seems to work out!

    • M.

      well, I did what I said I’d do…I called and left a voicemail on her cell phone and then texted her and her dad a Happy Easter message yesterday. No response. I think I’ll try to email Granpa G. as opposed to calling him, tho. I guess I’ll do that tonight. ~sigh~

  3. just as a birth mom… maybe N is going through some things in her life right now and its just too hard to keep that contact with you?! have you heard anything since this post?

    • M.

      Yeah, Christina, I get that. I really do. Still hard (I’m selfish that way 🙂 ) Nope, haven’t heard a thing.

      • i know..im on the opposite end…haha waiting for the adoptive parents to send pictures of our angel …have a couple more months to wait…her birthday was the contact date….although that didnt make it last year…sigh…hopefully this year they will make it…4 more months till august….time goes by soooo slowly!!!

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