The Legitimacy of Blogging

A friend and I were discussing blogging earlier today.  Some aspects of our open adoptions are similar, so we can relate pretty openly about what our experience is like.  Both of us try to give as clear a picture as possible of what open adoption is in our world, what it means to us, why its important to us, and we believe, our children.  Both of us agree that its not always easy.  Despite our firm belief that overall openness is a good thing–the right thing–, there are events that happen within the relationship that are clearly not so positive.  Those not so positive things often don’t make it to press due to their sensitive nature–whether its just too private to discuss a particular detail about the event (does it boil down to “gossip”?, or that its one of those “my child’s story to tell” moments that we, ourselves can’t own.  For me, quite honestly, I struggle with the thought that if I talk about the negatives, am I being seen as “bashing” Woob’s firstmom, or openness, or adoption in general?  Bottom line, there are parts of the story we don’t feel at liberty to tell.

So here’s the question–if you’re not sharing “the whole picture”, good, bad and ugly, does it make the blog a farce or a sham?  Is it still “the truth?”.  DISCUSS



Filed under adoption

8 responses to “The Legitimacy of Blogging

  1. anonadoptee

    So here’s the question–if you’re not sharing “the whole picture”, good, bad and ugly, does it make the blog a farce or a sham? Is it still “the truth?”.

    I don’t think it does make it a farce or a sham, In our lives we often don’t bring our whole selves, or all aspects of ourselves to interactions but that isn’t considered dishonest. I see blogging like that. I don’t think most people expect you to tell everything on your blog.

    I have three different public blogs and one restricted blog, which I use for diferent aspects of my life, because I am writing to different audiences.

  2. Artemis

    It’s a tough question. You can decide what you want to tell and what not to, obviously, because it’s YOUR blog. But when you leave stuff out, for whatever reason, especially if you’re leaving it out because you’re being p.c., you’re doing your readers a bit of an injustice, because they’re not getting the full picture. I totally understand the desire, the need, even, to be p.c. in this situation, but omitting stuff means your readers don’t REALLY know what open adoption is REALLY like.
    Does N actually read this blog? How anonymous are you? If you’re really anonymous you could write anything, even if isn’t p.c., couldn’t you? Of course you’d also have to be immune to trolls.

    • M.

      to my knowledge, N. doesnt’ read this blog. I try to remain anonymous. But its interesting, that even tho it started out that way, just becoming part of an online community of friends/acquaintances, you lose anonymity to some degree–you meet people IRL, form relationships and get to know one another even tho you never share pictures or names inthe blog itself. Then you’re back to risking things again. I do use this as a vehicle to discuss some fo the good AND bad, but don’t ever see it as a place to slam anyone else, even if I am in disagreement or angry or whatever. Number one, its just not nice. Number two, it just becomes fodder for others who DO have a real ax to grind (or are looking for one), and number three…anonymous or not, I do feel like there is responsibility when writing about any aspect of adoption…just thinking out loud…thanks for your thoughts.

  3. It’s your blog so you can write what you want. Maybe by not sharing the hard parts you are showing a false impression of an open adoption. Personally, I leave somethings out too, because one it’s too painful or too hard to explain or sometimes I just need more time to process what’s on my mind. I do worry that my story could offend my family if it got into their hands.

  4. Pingback: this woman’s work » Blog Archive » Honesty and the value of blogs

  5. This is a great topic for discussion. I think it depends largely on how you bill yourself / your blog. If it’s a blog that addresses particular issues that others read in order to educate themselves, or read with the hope of having insight into what it would be like to walk a mile, then I do think you have some obligation to paint a true picture – good, bad, ugly. If people are reading to make a more informed decision of open adoption, it distorts their info to leave out one side of your story.

    However, most blogs (I’d say yours included) are a combination of personal + issue based content, so I think you’re right to make sure your priority is staying within bounds for your family. I’ve thought about this a lot too since there is NO anonymity to my blog and I would really like to write what I REALLY think about medicine, etc., without exposing myself completely. I’ve thought about having a separate blog that maintains anonymity so it can be 100% honest about things I wouldn’t want residency program directors to read! But then that’s just too much work!

    I think the moral of the story is we should always remember blogs are not the truest form of literature and to always 1) read critically, 2) have more information sources, 3) contact people privately for more info if we are basing big opinions / decisions on a few personal public accounts, and 4) as bloggers, encourage people to contact us if they have specific questions we might be able to answer better in private conversations.

  6. For the most part, before I put anything on either of my blogs, I question whether or not it’s my story to tell. I’ve blogged about MY feelings regarding our journey and MY hopes and dreams for my daughters, but always with that tone and understanding – that this is just my side of the story.

    The same things goes for what I tell my daughters though. Their birth mother has made it abundantly clear that although she wants to be minimally involved in their lives (like barely involved enough to keep track of how old they are) she does not want them at this point to know she is their biological mother. We are making an effort to keep the conversations with our daughters upbeat, loving and open for further discussion in hopes that in the future, we can talk about the whole thing at length. Nothing goes on my blog that I wouldn’t tell my girls someday in the near future.

    However, I think that is just the tone of my blog. I’m not out to change adoption or to rail against the system, I’m not trying to change the world or bring all the complications of adoption to light. My blog is for me, for my daughters, for our memories and for our benefit. Discussing all the dirty details of our incredibly complicated adoption would have been good blog material but it’s not what I want my daughters to find some day.

  7. Coco

    Sharing negatives isn’t always a bad thing. Look at it this way: instead of “bashing”, what you’re really doing is talking about something less than wonderful and then illustrating how you and Woob’s first mom are still building the relationship.

    Nothing is perfect. Nobody likes even their most beloved people, yes, even the kids, every single second. People make mistakes, they say dumb things, they are thoughtless, they drive you nuts. The fact that we all keep talking to each other anyway is what counts.

    That being said, however, there are plenty of times where keeping something private is perfectly fine.

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