Wedding Whirl PART 2

I outlined N.’s wedding ceremony here.  It was a beautiful day and she was a beautiful bride.  We got to finally meet S., her husband, who seems to be a very nice young man.  He lets N. call the shots, and he is gentle with her babies.   That makes me happy.  Here’s a little about what happened next.

The reception was held right there in the back yard and the garage of N.’s mom’s house.  We’ve been there before, most notably for N.’s high school graduation party which was the first time we visited since Woob had been born a year before.  It’s interesting, because 3 1/2 years later, I can’t get a read on N.’s mom to save my life.  This weekend was no different.  Step-dad is always warm and welcoming and makes time to come and talk to us, not about anything special, but it just feels easy with him.  Mom is cordial and kind, but the connection is so hard, I never know how much to offer in.  I never feel comfortable.  She acknowledges us politely, and that’s pretty much it.  (making a mental note to send her a card thanking her for their hospitality…).  I even question should I send pictures to her when I’m sending them to everyone else.  When I have, there’s been no response, so I just don’t know the right way to go.  Anyway…

When the wedding was over, and we went to find N., she was still a little tearful and emotional, wanting to find her babies for pictures.  I was so happy that she included Woob.  Gave him a huge kiss and hug even though she was in a pretty white dress and he was slightly covered in mud, and made sure he was in the family pictures.  None were taken without him.  Again, I love that inclusion in that part of his family.  And the picture turned out great as well. 

While all the other festivities were going on, Woob had a chance to play with a lot of the other kiddos that were there.  There was a ball getting kicked around, and a sandbox to play in (what’s a little sand when you’re already muddy??), and balloons to be let loose.  It was fun to watch him enter into little games with the other kids.  The ring bearer is the groom’s nephew, really a sweet, handsome little boy, probably a year older than Woob.  At first it seemed like they were getting along great.  I don’t know what happened to turn the tide, but soon it turned into constant conflict between those two.  If one wanted to stand on the rock, the other wanted to.  If one wanted the blue sand shovel, the other would take it from his hand.  There was tackling involved in the ball game.  There was screeching, yelling, and desperate tears.  Oh, heavens, whats a mom to do?  Especially the adoptive mom who’s trying to make a good impression and wants people to know her kid is well-taught, well-behaved, sensitive, sweet and kind and ALWAYS SHARES!  😉  I say that with tongue in cheek.  But the fact is that I DO want people to think I’m doing a good job, and that most of the time, my kiddo IS really well behaved and plays well with others.  It was hard when my guy was wailing and upset that the shovel had been taken away and everyone was watching to see what was going on.  I used my best public parent skills, but to no avail.  My kid was upset and wanted justice!  Daddy ended up taking over.  I went and cut cake.

After all the traditional wedding stuff happened, things started winding down and it started getting pretty cold outside, so we called it a day and headed back to the hotel so Woob could swim and we could get some rest.  N. asked if we could get together over lunch and let the kiddos play together and visit awhile before we headed home, which I was glad of.  I was hoping there would be time, and was happy that she was the one initiating.  And it would be good for us to just be us.  The plan was to go to her house which we’d not yet seen, when we checked out (10:30) and the kids could play and we could go or bring in lunch.  I knew that the kids were staying at a friend’s that night but they were to pick the girls up around 9 or 9:30 next morning.  It all seemed pretty well planned out.  Woob was 8 kinds of excited, and overstimulated, and we were all so tired.

PART 3 to follow: The Visit

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7 Comments

Filed under adoption, birthparents, open adoption

7 responses to “Wedding Whirl PART 2

  1. I can’t imagine what open relationships must be like for birthgrandparents. Whether they supported their child’s decision to place for adoption or not. I’m sure it’ hard. I hope she enjoys Woob enough now that she has no regrets later on. I’m sure she feels awkward in some situations. I think it’s great that her husband is very welcoming and that you do get to see her sometimes.

    Can’t wait to hear about the one-on-one visit time!

    I also can imagine how you were feeling when things were a little (typical but) sour for the preschooler behavior. Our son’s birthmom will probably never see me with him or see how he acts at times. But it’s always in my mind – What would she think about my parenting skills? Does she think I’m doing a good job?

  2. Coco

    Ha. Count me in as one person who would NEVER judge you or your parenting abilities in case of meltdown. Because my son tries to eat other children from time to time.

    As far as N’s mom goes, I have a few thoughts. She may just be very reserved. She may be feeling guilty or conflicted about Woob having been adopted. She may simply be a person you’ll never really get close to.

    In any event? None of that really has anything to do with you. You’re making the gestures, and that’s what will count for Woob. Personally, I’d continue to send photos and whatever else along to her. My $.02, which along with five dollars will get you a cup of coffee at Starbucks. 😉

  3. M.

    Funny–I am not so worried about what N. thinks as everyone else who was there :)I really think that N. feels like we do a good job, and I’ve never really felt uncomfortable when she’s around. Thank goodness! I’d be a nervous wreck if I thought she hated my parenting! 🙂

    Thanks, Coco, for your insight. I do think there is something there and that likely we’re just people who dont’ naturally click. I am so thankful for a picture that was taken when Woob was one and we went to visit the first time for N.’s grad party. It is so sweet, where Grandma L. is holding/cradling woob on her lap as he drinks his sippy cup and they are gazing into eachother’s eyes. It is a precious moment that Woob will always be able to see even if he won’t continually feel that from her.

    Stork, A’s mom would be proud of the way your raising him, I’m just sure of it!

  4. Pingback: Wedding Whirl PART 3 « Letters to a Birthmother

  5. KatherineM

    I really enjoy your honest and authentic approach to open adoption….

    I would love to see your recent password posts too!! I couldn’t find your email address??? May I send you my blog address so and perhaps see the rest of your journey???

    THANKS!!! I look forward to it!

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