These open adoption relationships can be so tricky sometimes. In my own situation, its like there is a continuing cycle: things are good/we’re talking/I’m confident —> things get quiet —> I start to doubt myself, the relationship, what her expectations are, and what my expectations are, did I do/say/send something wrong? —> some form of contact occurs —> confidence returns. (Its often VERY akin to how I felt as a high school girl trying to understand and navigate the world of boys and dating). And, sadly, as I was telling a friend last night, at some point it always comes back to being about ME, and I have to put things back into perspective and realize again that its not always about ME, soemtimes its about HER and what she’s going through, or not going through, or just sometimes its not about anything, it just IS what it IS. Yannow?
It really helps as I read from other members of the triad, that many of them go through the same kind of cycles from their own perspective as well. I can’t KNOW that M. has some of these same thoughts/concerns on her side of the fence, but to think that just MAYBE she has some insecurities too helps me to not feel so silly and neurotic. (Note: I don’t wish insecurity upon her–I wouldn’t wish it upon anyone!).
I just know that on MY part, I want to do a few things: (1) be a good partner in the relationship for the betterment of my son; (2) be a good partner in the relationship in any way that benefits N.; (3) not be a pain in the rear by pushing too hard to achieve (1) and (2).
So…It’s obvious that I’m rambling here about all this, but its really on my mind, wondering the best way to achieve our goals together without overstepping boundaries–including the unspoken or unknown ones.
Readers? How do you navigate the waters here? Feel free to share your thoughts/experience on this regardless of which perspective you’re coming from. Feel free to share your opinion on what I’ve said here. I think I need some dialog on this one!