I don’t think we can be friends anymore.
Oh, you’re cute and all with your sweet little baby doll tops just perfect for summer, and your tailored slacks that make some people looks so slim and smart and well put together.
But you see, this is why we can never really be friends. I am a girl who possesses an hourglass figure. Well, a REVERSE hourglass figure, actually, even though I’m considered small and “in good shape for my age” whatever that means. I even have delicate fingers and wrists and elbows. But this is not good enough for you. I have tried to get to know you on several occasions, spending many hours in dressing rooms around town gazing at you. Touching your pretty fabrics and visualizing us together on picnics, having a night out, and even at work together–other people looking at us with jealousy about what a good pair we make.
But alas, all dreams must fade and reality sets in. I am not, nor ever, a girl who will be able to pull a pair of your pants off the rack and have them fit without major alterations. Its evident you don’t like short girls with big butts. You really don’t know what you’re missing, but that’s another post. And your sweet little baby doll blouses that the younger skinny women wear…I thought I’d at least have a chance with them, but again, it wasn’t meant to be. What looks sweet and playful and slimming on some ladies makes me apparently look pregnant. I would love to look pregnant were I actually pregnant. Sadly I am NOT PREGNANT. I thought it was all in my head until my babysitter’s mother actually patted my tummy (Oh. My. God. No. She. Din’t.) Yes she did. And asked if we have another on the way. I knew at that moment that we were not meant to be, not now and probably not ever.
Fashion, let me introduce you to my newest friend, (and ever more faithful), Dowdy Mommywear. She’s so flexible with all that elastic and those pleats, and her fabrics never wear out. I have a feeling we will be together for a long, long time.