I am ALWAYS happy to hear from N.  Time comes and goes and I lose sight of our last contact, whether it was phone, email or visit (for the record, the last visit was in March, around Woob’s birthday).  I worry I was supposed to initiate something or wonder as time goes on if I’ve done something to create a distance, but realistically know that just as I am a mom of a two year old, working full time and meeting local family obligations, she is a mom of a 6 month old, working full time, going to school and also meeting other obligations.  So time moves faster than we’d like.  But I still worry.

So I make that first move, with an email that says “Hi” in the subject line, send a little update with a lot of pictures.  I wonder if I send too many, if she thinks we’re over the top.  I wonder if I call, will she be busy and bothered. I wonder when I don’t hear back if there’s a Real Reason or if its not that important, or if she even got the message.  There’s always so much wondering in this relationship, and it appears to be all my doing, my own insecurity.

Because before I know it, there’s a call or an email in return, letting me know all is well, the baby is growing and “we have to get together soon!” and “you can never send too many pictures!” and “lets set a date!” 

She’s a lovely young woman, she loves her babies, and she wants to keep the connection going.  She’s patient with me when I’m running late with things like pictures and updates.  She’s going to be here as Woob grows so he’ll always know her and at least have a basis for a relationship if he wants one into his adulthood.  She’s got answers.  She’s got the keys to the rest of Woob’s family.  Knowing she’s okay makes me feel better, for Woob and for myself.  

I know that a few years ago, when we first met, none of this was thought to be a possibility.  How blessed we are, I am that we are where we are today.

(Next visit likely in two weeks!  Woob gets to see his little sister for the second time and I bet she has grown so much!)



Filed under adoption, birthparents, open adoption, things that make me smile

7 responses to “

  1. How lovely! I think it’s great that she is able to be a part of Woob’s life–that the groundwork is laid for later if it’s something they’d like to develop. Is it odd that my relationship with J is based almost 100% on text messages these days?!?!

  2. You are all very lucky!!! What I would give to foster that type of relationship with my son’s mother and his siblings.


  3. thanksgivingmom

    I am on nearly the EXACT opposite side of this interaction right now! – Right down to me sending the email with the subject “Hi” as you commented on previously.

    Except our visit will likely be in the next month or two rather than weeks!!! But yay either way!!! 🙂

    It’s so funny because I wonder so many of the same things and worry so many of the same things!

  4. marynsmommy

    I agree with Andy.. I would love to have the relationship w/my daughters Mother. I can only pray in time she contacts us. : ) I’m really happy for you and Woob!

  5. Roz

    Hi, I have only just found your blog? Do you have more entries than the three I can see?

  6. M.

    Hi Roz, Welcome! I added archives on the sidebar–didn’t realize they weren’t there!

    And thanks, guys for your well wishes…I can’t wait!

  7. My children have lost so, so much by not having the relationship Woob has with is mother. Although the cultural issues aren’t mine to resolve, I hope that the basic humanity women the world over share will push the generally closed nature of adoption from Korea to the tipping point.

    Yes, I hope.

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