Some Days I Struggle

I wish I could get paid for all the worrying I do, honestly.  I worry so much about N. sometimes.  I worry when I don’t hear from her for long stretches and I worry about what I hear when I do have contact with her.  I called her last week on her birthday and left her a message on her voicemail…and never heard anything back.  She’s a month into mommying her new baby girl, so I know she’s exhausted and busy and learning, and probably stressed beyond anything.  So I’m worrying about that.  But I don’t call again, because I don’t want to hover and be a mother hen.  So now, a week later, I hear from her and am so overjoyed to see her email in my box, but nearly stop breathing to read what she has to say about moving again, family violence, car troubles, new jobs and on and on.  I wonder how a person gets through all those things all at once when they are trying to heal from birth, keep working towards a degree, and take care of a newborn.  She comes off sounding so matter of fact about it all, like its-no-big-deal-keep-on-going-this-is-the-way-things-roll-around-here.  I’m worried about her, her boyfriend, and the baby.  She’s not asking for help.  I’m not quite sure how to approach to ask to help, or how much help I can honestly provide.  And honestly I worry that any financial help will go somewhere not intended, not through her fault, but perhaps someones else’s.  I am usually a believer that a gift is a gift and people can use it as they see fit…but I’m usually not worried about the giftee.

Honestly, I’m really at a loss here.  I don’t know what my role is or even if I have one rightfully.  I want so much for things to be well for her.

(Edited to add:  regarding the family violence, its not against her, but in the home where they were living before this most recent move.) 

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2 Comments

Filed under adoption, faith, motherhood, open adoption

2 responses to “Some Days I Struggle

  1. Perhaps all you really can do is continue to let her know you’re there if she needs an ear, a shoulder or maybe even a weekend away — depending if you think staying with you for a long weekend (isn’t one coming up) isn’t too overwhelming with baby and Woob and all. But she could nap while there — ah, remember desperately wanting sleep?

    But ya know, just KNOWING someone is thinking of us and sincerely caring takes such a load off sometimes. I know that doesn’t seem like doing much, but I think its value shouldn’t be underrated.

    That said, as far as a financial helping hand, what about a gift card to a grocery store or even mail out a big box store supply of diapers and wipes. Is that all too practical? This way you know the money is going to a necessity, and although it’s uber-practical, including a nice note letting her know that she’s loved and always in your thoughts might just touch her in two ways: emotionally and in the pocketbook. Reprieve, indeed.

  2. jenn11970

    I am so there with you!! I worry all the time about DD’s First Mom. I finally heard from her on Sunday and she was going to come over for a visit and then on the day of the visit…. no show. I called her to check if I had the day right and she casually tells me that oh she had to work and by the way… I am moving out of my Mom’s house and in with my boyfriend.

    I just continue to let her know I am here if she needs me. Wears me out sometimes, but I am hopeful in the long run, it will be a benefit to all of us. Stay strong!

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