To Look Into the Eyes of a Woobie

I was just reading Thanksgivingmom’s post about A’s Eyes and how they reflect her own.  I almost responded there, but thought I’d just put a post here (especially, since I’m waiting for a State auditor to come today who didn’t give me a time and I’ve been killing time waiting for her ALL MORNING so I was able to work this in!).  But, as usual, I digress.

Back to Woobie’s eyes and such.  I think that it is such a natural thing to look at your baby when first born, even when not born to you, and look for those similarities that connect them to you.  When Woob was born, before we ever even met him officially and up close, we saw him through the glass and across the room, in all his naked, squalling, red and blotchy glory, and I felt immediately that I KNEW this child.  I recognized him.  I don’t know if that happens to all adoptive parents or not.  It wasn’t the immediate rush of love that I expected, but something even more familiar.  It was recognition.  It caught me off guard.  Then, as we were able to come closer and actually gaze down at him, we were able to see the little cleft in his chin and remark how my maternal grandfather, if he were still living, would somehow claim that chin as it looks so much like his own did.  Of course, we know that the cleft comes from Woob’s own maternal grandfather, and think that’s very cool.  Granpa G. thinks so, too.  Looking into his eyes we found that bright blue peeking back at us and often wondered if and when it would change.  At 20 months, he’s still got them.  His Mama N’s are hazel and tend to change colors sometimes, Papa2Roo’s are brown and mine are a dull blue.  Woob’s eyes are a color all their own.

Over time, we also have noticed other things that we’ve been able to link to N. given our more open contact and getting to know one another better.  The little patch of fuzzy hair on the back of his head is the same as hers even today.  His pretty skin, his fingers, and his body shape–all her.  His picky-eater-tendencies apparently spring from her as well.  Who knows what the little guy gets from us at this point?  There are days when P2R or me can be saying out loud: “buddy, you look just like N. today.”  Sometimes his facial expressions or something, is like looking at a mini-N.  We think its pretty cool.  I am HAPPY he has those visible connections to his family, like I have to mine.  Interestingly enough, for all the time we have spent marvelling over how much Woob looks like his mama, we have been blessed to have been given some snapshots of Woob’s dad, S.  We’ve never met him.  The first time we saw the pictures, it was rather strange, just not knowing what to expect.  I didn’t see the connection at first, still giving all the credit for this fine looking boy all to his mama.  But over time, it is definitely there.  I see S. almost as much as I see N. anymore when I look back at Woob in his car seat or while he’s playing.  Definite links.  Although contact with S. isn’t in the cards for quite some time, if ever, I’m so glad Woob will get to see it play out.

I’ve said it before, but my boy is beautiful.  We are blessed that he remained healthy through the pregnancy and beyond, and we are thankful to N. for taking such good care in sometimes difficult circumstances.  We want to acknlowledge and embrace those things he was born with whether they be physical attributes or talents/skills/affinities for things we know nothing about.  We want to introduce him to the traditions and other interests we have, and hope that we come up with a well-rounded person who feels valued by everyone in the end. 

After all…he is hers and he is ours, and that will not be forgotten.



Filed under adoptee, adoption, birthparents, motherhood, open adoption, things that make me smile

3 responses to “To Look Into the Eyes of a Woobie

  1. Very nice post, indeed. Just loverly, my dear.

    I’ve always thought there’s something very intriguing in watching one’s child (not biologically connected to you) grow. And that is, all the expectations/questions/hopes we’d have of a bio child — will she/he paint like me or be left-brained and scientific like dad — are a non-issue. Sure, she/he could wind up liking to paint too, or enjoy pondering the science behind something. But he/she also brings to the table just as intriguing and important qualities/talents/skills that are theirs. And there’s beauty in knowing that we can watch all that unfold and blossom on its own, without our expectations attached and tugging at them.

  2. What a great post. It still is so incredibly reassuring that a-parents CAN “get it”. Gives me reason to keep moving forward, to keep trying. How blessed your son is, his other family is, you are. (hugs)

  3. Thanks, Lauren, that means a lot to me. I do hope you keep trying and that your little one’s parents come back to you soon.

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