“Letters to a ‘Birth Lady’??”

Nonononononono…I don’t think so.  This is being written about HERE, and it just seems so dismissive and icky and disrespectful towards the woman that mothered and cared for her child for those nine long months in the womb.  The woman who will likely think about that child and the implications of placing in some form or another for the rest of her life.  The woman who likely believes her child will be cared for by loving parents because for some reason she didn’t feel like she could do it herself at that time.  Birth Lady.  (Avon Lady?  Lunch Lady?  Old Lady?  Hey, Lady!)  Odd thinking.

The name we use around our house for Woob’s mom is “Mama N.”  When I’m talking to others not really connected and use “Woob’s mama,” I am always quickly corrected (as if I’m WRONG)–“but YOU’RE his mom!!”  Yeah I am, but so is she, but thanks for trying to enlighten me.  And other times I don’t feel like fighting the fight and just refer to her as “N.” or Woob’s birthmom.  Again, labels seem so important to folks and we wouldn’t want anyone to be confused about who’s who, would we?  In time, Woob will decide what he wants to call N. and they can have those discussions together.  Regardless of what that happens to be, I can assure you, it will not be BIRTH LADY!

Perhaps I should change the name of my blog to “Letters to Another Mother.”  Feedback??


Filed under adoption, birthparents, motherhood, semantics

5 responses to ““Letters to a ‘Birth Lady’??”

  1. Coco

    I don’t know if you need to change the name of your blog, but “Letters to Another Mother” does flow nicely. 🙂 Honestly, though, K refers to me as her birth mom. To me, the term itself is not the big offender, depending on how and by whom it is used, of course.

    When you use it here, for example, it isn’t a weapon, meant to hurt. It isn’t “birth lady” by any stretch. It isn’t used to demean or diminish Woob’s other mom. I don’t see you out there insistently using “birth mother” if someone has specifically asked/said that they prefer the term to NOT be used in reference to themselves.

    Does this make any sense? It’s a subtle difference, and one that means different things to different people, but it’s there.

    And the Avon Lady/Lunch Lady thing made me laugh. Lunch lady. Heh.

  2. suz

    I like your approach. Its honest. I also know many adoptees who refer to their mothers as Mom Name1 and Mom Name2 when referring to them in discussion with others. In conversation with their moms, they are simply Mom. Yes, a child can distinguish between two mothers.

  3. thanksgivingmom

    As always, thank you!!!

    Birth Lady…so weird.

  4. Anne

    I actually chuckled out loud when I saw this title. I can just hear this poor kid when he finally figures it out, “Ooooooh, birth lady… you mean a mom. Oh, now I get it.” Birth lady. Bahaha.

    We say, “Russian mommy.”

  5. I know this is a very touchy subject. I am the mother four children and three of the four are adopted. The selfish side of me would love to deny the other mother but reality is that is what my kids are made of! How can I deny who they are?? I know these women and men did wrong but they are a part of my child that I love so much. I don’t talk bad about the birth parents I am grateful for what they have given me! My children. 🙂

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