We had our second visit with N. and boyfriend today. The second in a matter of two weeks, after no real contact on N’s part for a full year. Its rather surreal. And what’s a little weirder is that it isn’t more weird, if that makes any sense. Maybe its because there’s no lack of things to talk about–there’s always this precious boy right in front of us or really close by. There are all the things we don’t know about one another from all of our lifetimes, good, bad and ugly. There are conversations about people who we don’t know and may never know, but who are ever present in one way or another. And so we’re building this thing, but I don’t know what it is, or what we are in it, you know?
Are we friends? Could we possibly be at this early time? I mean, there must be some level of trust there for us to be given the privelege of raising Woob. And they’ve shared things with us that their parents don’t know, and are pretty straightforward about sharing lots of things. But friends, I just don’t know.
Are we mentors? Do they really care what we think, what our experience has been in life? Does it even match up with the life they are living right now and the same kinds of choices they have to make? Are the similarities in our lives enough to make up for the differences when it comes to what kind of support we can offer and what they can accept or even ask for?
Or are we just the people raising her son? Are we the conduit for her to see him thrive and grow, and that’s enough?
And what is it that I want this to be? That we want to be for her? I’ve wanted this to happen for so long, and now, I don’t really know what to do with it. But I know its something precious and something that I want to continue and nurture, and find out more.
Whatever it is, I don’t want to screw it up. For me or the Woob.