Reflections on a First Visit

I very well could have posted about this weekend’s events much sooner, but there has been so much to absorb that I’ve found it rather difficult to put into words. 

I could go into great detail, but I think I said before, I’m feeling so much of the newness of this that I feel the need to hold it pretty close for now.  Additionally, I feel that sharing many of the things that happened and were revealed this weekend, would be disrespectful towards N. and perhaps some other folks involved.  But on the other hand, just hitting some of the high points seems to do the whole visit a severe disservice. 

Bloggers don’t gain popularity by holding back on the juicy details.  So what’s a blogger to do??  I guess I’ll have to remain unpopular.  I’ll do the best I can.

First, despite my careful planning the whole week before, trying to get of town turned out to be a disaster.  First, on my husbands whim, we took the truck instead of the car, which entailed switching everything I had already packed. Making us leave late.  Apparently the truck needed to be washed.  And it didn’t have gas.  And my husband didn’t get breakfast.  Making us leave town late.  By an hour.  If you know me, you know I’m a high anxiety kind of girl.  You’ll be happy to know I didn’t kill him.  The good news at this point which also turns out to be the really bad news is that we verified a suspicion that we had about the Woob.  Riding in the front facing car seat in the truck for more than 10 minutes makes him carsick.  Really carsick.  Picture me losing it right there in a church parking lot while I stripped the clothes off my poor little puke covered stinky baby before calling N. and leaving a message that we were turning back for home.  Making us leave town late by 2 hours.

FINALLY we got on the road and after driving an hour, heard back from N. who, as luck would have it,  slept two hours late and was stressing to get ready in time for her party.  It was only then that I stopped spazzing and relaxed.  The rest of the trip was uneventful.

We got there to her mom’s house and all I can say is that we were made to feel so welcome–it was just comfortable.  N. and her friend were sitting on her car waiting for us as we pulled up.  She came to help get Woob out of the car, and as she held him for the first time, and looked at him, he just stared at her for a minute sizing her up.  Never all day did he shy away from anyone or get clingy with us, even when we moved away from him.  He was fast friends with her boyfriend and they played all day.  It was all just…nice.  A side note:  it turns out her mom is from right here where we live, originally.  We even went to the same summer camp growing up.  We sang camp songs together and N. thought we were nuts. 

We ended the day taking N. and her boyfriend out to dinner.  We had a chance to talk about lots of things and had many questions answered.  Some of the big ones.  We talked about what we want to do next with this new relationship we’re building, though there’s still much discussion to be had.  We laughed.  N. shared bites of her banana shake with him.  We talked about all the ways Woob looks like her and wondered out loud together what he’d be like as he grew up.  We planned for them to come to visit us here in the next several weeks.

This feels really good.



Filed under adoption, birthparents, open adoption, parenthood, things that make me smile

13 responses to “Reflections on a First Visit

  1. goingbacktosquareone


    I’m feeling awesome, vicariously. I’m also sleeping better, vicariously.

    It’s amazing how living life through someone else can perk a person up!

    YAY Woobiemamma! YAY Woobieparents! YAY Woobie!

    I can’t wait until the next visit. 😉

  2. Ohhhh, I’m so glad you got this visit with N. How wonderful!

  3. That’s so great and it sounds so wonderful — the camp songs especially! Those kinds of connects are so meaningful!!

  4. I am so, so glad it went well. I’m happy for you today.

  5. My heart is happy. 🙂

  6. I’m so happy for you — all.

  7. Yay!! I am so glad it all went well and I cannot wait to see where the relationship goes from here!!

  8. StorkWatcher

    Wow. Wow. I am SO happy for you all! POOR little guy getting carsick – so sad. It’s just great that Woob was okay to be held by her and didn’t act with her as a stranger. I was just wondering this morning, if A. got to meet his birthmom, how would he react to her (as we are in this shy around stranger stage)? Would he innately recognize her and feel safe with her? Would it be horrible for her if he turned away from her? Would he warm up to her quickly? And then I was trying to think how it would be for her to hold her child for maybe the first time ever? Or at least, see him for the first time since he was a day old…. It’s so hard to imagine what those feelings would be like!! I hope N and her family really enjoyed their time with you all, and that it makes her feel good….

    (You didn’t go to Camp T——-, did you? Our favorite mealtime highchair song is “I like to eat apples and bananas”…..)

  9. Thanks, everyone for your support. We’ll all have to just see what happens next.

    Jen–I’m here for ya, girl. Your meeting will come, I just know it!

    Jenna–I read all your stuff religiously and have watched and listened as you have done your visits–so helpful to have your experiences (in SO many ways! Thank you!!)

    Marci- I’ll see you at lunch!

    Stork–Haha, I was just singing apples and bananas to Woob at breakfast Saturday! No, we went to camp O.

  10. Tears welling…and you’re no less popular in my book. I respect you even MORE for keeping those special, private details for only you, hubby, Woob, N., and N.’s family to share. Congratulations, I am really happy for all of you!

  11. Thanks so much for the smile you have brought to my life today. When I yak on and on about “everyday miracles” on my site, this is exactly what I am talking about. What a precious gift from God. I am crazy happy for everyone involved.


  12. This is wonderful. I am so relieved and happy that it was comfortable and went well.

    Good news all the way around!


  13. april

    Just found you by googling “first visit with a birthmother”… Our 4 year old’s “tummy mummy” is flying across country to stay with us next weekend. Holy cow am I nervous and excited. We met Y. when we picked up our newborn and then saw her during a brief flight layover in her town several months ago.
    I have butterflies but can’t wait for Y. to see what a darling (yet spazzy) boy Guy has grown to be.
    April in Seattle

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