In the 12 years I’ve known you you’ve been my mentor, my friend, my peer, and much more. Your life experience has served you well, and you have used it to help others, including me on man occasions. I have often come to you because I value your opinions. I thought you valued mine. When we started our adoption journey, you served as a reference for me because I thought you understood my heart. But today, I have to tell you, my feelings are hurt; I’m pissed.
Once before, I shared some of my thoughts about Woob’s first mother. I shared about how I think about her and how I want to keep a connection. You didn’t understand. You indicated that there is no connection there. That hurt at the time, but I thought I made myself clear. And today, once again, I opened up about what’s going on in our little family. I protect that part of my life with the knowledge that not everyone can or will understand. There are certain people I believe I can count on when it comes to that, and others I don’t trust with it. Its too new and precious, and its almost like if I talk about it too much, it will all disappear, so I hold it close. Today, I chose to trust you with my excitement and anxiety of meeting N. this coming weekend. Now I see that my judgment was poor in that regard. When tell you about those things, it is not with the intent of asking for advice–you haven’t been there. You haven’t spent every waking hour thinking about, researching, reading, dreaming and living adoption. I KNOW she signed away her rights. I don’t anticipate she’ll be trying to reclaim them. She’s not a bad person. Its not just about her, or about me, but about Woob. Its good for all of us. When you question that, you also question my ability to make good judgments. When I come to you with these things in my life, what I’m asking for is for you to share the excitement, to support me, to say “good for you,” or “tell me all about it,” or “I’m sure it will work out great!” Even, “How can I help?” Instead, I feel like now, if things don’t go well, you’ll be there waiting to say “I told you so…” That’s not what I need from my friends. And it makes me less likely to talk about it with anyone else as well.
So, know that as our family has new beginnings, additions, ebbs and flows, I won’t be bothering you with the details. And that’s really crappy because its times like this I need my friends more than ever.