On God’s Will

N-

All through our day’s of infertility craziness, the phrase “if it’s meant to be, it will happen” was something I held onto for some form of comfort.  As a Christian I had been taught that God has a plan for all of us, we just aren’t always let in on the secret until He’s ready for us to play our part.  So we held on.  Eventually, as it was obvious that we would NOT conceive, not without some fancy medical intervention, we came to the conclusion that it must not be God’s will for us.  He had other plans.

Fast forward to adoption.  We prayed to God that he bless us with a baby to love and care for.  Constantly.  We held on to “if it’s meant to be…”  We looked for signs and prayed some more.  One Sunday, wrestling with God’s will, I knelt in Church and asked my God that if it was His will for me to be childless, to please help me accept my childlessness and move on.  Quite literally, at that moment,

my cell phone rang 

Not even kidding.  It was T. calling to tell us about you.  Asking us if we’d talk to you that day.  Telling us about a boy that was due to be born in just one month. 

a sign from God–God’s will–this was meant to be

The rest of that story is the past year’s history.  A year to live as an adoptive parent.  A year to talk to others, learn and grow, change my thinking.  A year to try to understand God better.  After all that, I’ve come to a few conclusions about God’s will as I’ve tried to relate it to adoption, that somewhat surprise me.  I’m no theologian, however, and my thinking is often faulty and circular so bear with me here.

First, I’m not even sure you can really talk specifically about adoption being God’s will.  I still believe that God has a plan for us, but I think its a general plan rather than a quite specific one.  I picture it this way…We make specific choices based on our own human will.  Somehow He allows us to do this, for better or for worse.  He asks us to make choices that will benefit us and others both in this world and in the next.  Choices that include compassion, love, caring, forgiveness, all that kind of stuff.  I think that His will lies in how he wants us to live within the choices we made.  If God’s will was more specific than that, (like I was predestined to adopt THIS particular child at THIS particular time…) then somehow God’s good will toward me cancels out His good will for someone else.  For my predestined good fortune to occur, that would mean that God had also predestined someone else to have to take a fall, go through pain, suffer indignity…  My faith doesn’t allow me to think in those terms.  Instead, you made a choice for whatever reason to make an adoption plan with us.  We accepted this plan and this child. 

And yet, I feel incredibly blessed that we were brought together, that our family was formed with THIS particular child.  I feel that God’s hand is definitely in there along the way, but I’m still struggling with exactly how.  Perhaps his hand is there on my shoulder and on yours, just guiding us through the decisions that we both made, helping us to be the best parents we can be to the Woobie, each in our own way.  I welcome and need that hand on my shoulder.  And I hope that you feel like His hand is on yours as well.

Peace,

E.

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6 Comments

Filed under adoption, faith, God's will, infertility, adoption

6 responses to “On God’s Will

  1. Mama2Roo,

    When I think about mystery of God’s sovereignty I always come to the word “transcendence”. Yes, He allows human beings to make choices and sometimes those choices are destructive for the person who makes them or the people around them in the “fall out area”. The thing is, God reserves the right and the authority to turn around even the most tragic circumstance and make it a blessing for his child. (Romans 8:28) That truth imparts a tremendous amount of peace. There is always hope.
    I am so thankful God brought little Woob to you and I am so thankful that he can still offer abundant life to his birthmom, no matter the circumstances that led her to give up her child for adoption.
    Blessings to you today my sister. Thanks for giving me things to think about. I so appreciate your compassionate spirit.

  2. Sherri-
    I’ve just been thinking about this so much and truly just go round and round. I still don’t think I’ve nailed it with words what I really think about the whole thing–add to that I was really tired when I wrote this. Just working it out…thanks for reading and adding to my perspective and your kind thoughts. I’m gonna keep mulling this over…

  3. I really do enjoy your site.

    This post is particularily interesting. I remember as a teen I travelled on a Christian mentorship retreat. One particular leader (a lawyer at that) began a conversation with me about what I thought about predestination. As an infant I had been adopted into a strict
    Christian family who believed that what God wanted to happen happened. When he asked this question – I felt my can of ‘faith’ worms explode within me. I struggled through a bunch of statements with him – along the lines of ‘well if predestination to you means that God had my mother fornicate and produce me as an offspring – then literally I am the product of sin.’ This was key (I think my mentor knew it to) to my struggle with identity. As a teen, not knowing my bm at the time or her situation, I felt that I was a mistake, that I did not fit into the cosmic flow of God’s plan and although I despretely wanted to have faith in His goodness – I simply was unable to believe that I was part of that ‘good’.

    My mentor looked straight at me after I spilled all my insecurities and struggles out (I was trapped in a van) and said… ‘will you live by default or can you accept that good can come from anything and everything God puts His hand to.’

    I didn’t answer him then but he placed hope in my heart. Hope for faith and healing.

    That day was a changing day for me. Your post reminded me of that trip. Thanks.

  4. I’m glad the post spoke to you. thanks for sharing your story. Its nice to hear somethng from an adoptee.

  5. I LOVE how you have worded this….this is how I would like to say it….wow!

  6. thank you, petunia. I’m glad it made some sort of sense…I go round and round with it.

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