You know us through some short visits and convsersations, and a few pieces of paper (some written specifically to please the agency and what THEY felt we should say). Heck, they even changed some of the words in our original letter to you without our knowledge… Pre-adoptive parents are well-trained to talk about the things they think you want to hear–college education, big family, security, strong marriage… And while we have all of those things, you’ve got to know some other things about us to be truly fair and know the life your son is living. All that crap we adoptive parents hear from time to time about how we must be truly special people to adopt a child and save them from the life they would have had…bleck…its just crap. So the first thing you need to know about us is this…we aren’t SPECIAL. Actually, we’re kind of self-centered and were so hungry for a baby that we were all-consumed by it. So consumed that in the beginning, you got lost in it all–sorry. What I try to let people know when they start talking like that is that we didn’t SAVE this little guy from anything. We know full well that you have every capability to have raised this baby with love and give him the things he needed…somehow you made a choice that allowed us to do that as well. We just got the benefit of that choice.
- Housekeeping and laundry are NOT our strong points. Please don’t imagine us living in a perfect house that is spotless and beautifully furnished. We have spots on the sofas from pets and the baby, and will not be getting any new furniture anytime soon.
- We are not great money managers/savers. Sometimes I screw up the checkbook and have to have B. bail me out with his “secret money stash” thats not so secret. He hoards money to buy video games. I couldn’t hoard money if I tried.
- We watch WAAYY too much television, and not usually the educational channels. We’ll occasionally watch a nature show, but really only because its broadcast in HD and looks pretty.
- Our diet is not that healthy day to day. We love fast food, soft drink, and dessert. (It is 9:30 a.m. and I am sitting at my desk with jelly beans and a Coke–’nuff said). I don’t exercise, nor am I athletic in any way. The only reason B. is not totally huge is because he has some freakish, insane metabolism.
- Our families can sometimes be a mess.
- B. and I don’t always like each other or agree on things (But don’t worry, we love each other terribly as well!!)
All this to say–we’re normal and real–there’s no ivory tower here. Please don’t feel you need to stay away for fear you’ll wreck our perfect life…we simply live day to day and pretty much enjoy our lives and take things as things come. Fact is, we’re scared if you know all these things about us, you might overlook all the great things we’ve got going as well. It’s funny, because all those things we know about ourselves help us to focus better energy and habits into the Woobie. Even if WE don’t do things the way we’re supposed to for ourselves, we do it for him. He has a well-balanced diet, structure, a savings account, lots of time spent with books and clean sheets in the crib.
He will have the knowledge that love doesn’t have to be perfect to still be true.
Enjoy the warming weather–hope to hear from you soon.